Frankly, I don't know what all the fuss is about. Kevlar is, after all, deductible.
But seriously, folks... I've actually been trying to get a site up for exactly this situation - a newer umpire who wants to learn a bit more from someone else's mistakes rather than make them on his/her own. The site, while still in its basic shell form, is located at
http://softball.whispers.org
Feel free to take a look.
And if you're a veteran umpire, feel free to take a look and beat me up a bit. I'd rather get it right.
Lastly, read the rule book from cover to cover, and read it often. If you still can't find the answer, post your question here, and someone will be happy to
(beat you up) help out.
No, seriously... It's better to ask a silly question here than it is to ask it on the ballfield. Unless you play the piano.