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I've been through a lot of different "personal situations" over the course of my reffing, and I've found that it varies from sitch to sitch. Sometimes, reffing is a good escape, and it's a relief to get away from the problems for a while. That's usually only true when the problem is at some kind of balance or statis. In the midst of a cyclone, I have ended up turning back games, or wishing I had.
Once I'm into a game, and having trouble feeling on top of things for whatever reason, here are a few tricks I've used that help.
As the game is going on, talk to yourself out loud about what you see. Do it quietly, with the whistle in your mouth, but do it out loud. It really helps focus your brain (it's also a great way to learn to watch off ball!). "23 guarding, legal so far, good trap, now, 32 gathers the ball, oops, pivot slid --TWEET! -- ... " and so on.
If you have the right partner, you can use them to help you stay in the game, by actively talking about certain players and plays, not to "find" fouls, but just to describe and comprehend details. Needing to talk to the partner about them helps you concentrate on what's happening.
During half- time, you might quickly jot down on paper your worst worries and frettings. Then when you're into the second half, you can say to yourself, "It's in the locker room, I can read that later. Don't need to think about it now."
Usually, for me, I just get irritable, and have trouble controlling my temper. One year, when my 6 year old had been in and out of the hospital 7 times in six weeks for unexplained, uncontrollable vomiting and migraine headaches, I had a little kids game where I whacked and tossed a coach over some little comment that was really no big deal. The next week I apologized, as it had been my fault completely. If you need temper control in your personal situations, work on that as a separate issue. Self-awareness is 90% of that battle.
Lastly, just be really aware of how you're feeling BEFORE THE GAME. Be sure to turn back a game where you KNOW you're going to have problems with attitude, or with keeping your head into the game. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
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