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Originally Posted by TheOracle
There is a common theme here, folks. You do whatever you need to to do to prevent situations, either physical or verbal, from escalating beyond where your line is. People's lines and techniques can differ. Whatever works, do it. You can T people, call personal fouls on minimal contact, warn them, counsel them...options are endless. In the original posting, sounds like nothing got de-escalated to me, and that's too bad. Hopefully he'll try a different approach next time.
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Sorry this just doesn't wash. 1) Refs are not responsible for whether kids stay in control or not. We do try to prevent problems as much as we can, and we must certainly never do things that might inflame a situation, but the responsibility for actual control lies with the players and the coaches. 2) We cannot just do whatever we want to try to "get control". We can't eject people who haven't actually broken rules. We can't call fouls if they weren't committed. We can't make players sit down, just to calm them down, or send a message. 3) Refs must first of all observe everything that happens, secondly enforce the rules as written, and thirdly manage the game withing the limits of our authority.
I agree that the OP needs to learn some different game management tools, but de-escalating was never his responsibility. His ONLY job is to enforce the rules, and to be sure he's not contributing to any escalation that happens.