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I started out in some programs that used the NAYS (started out as NYSCA) guidelines for coaches, and changed a lot of how I behave because of them. I am by nature a highly competitive individual. These guidelines taught me alot about how to be competitive and remain a teacher. At the outset, it is always hard to balance the two. The parent guidelines became part of the league that I used to run, and we had our association pay to certify all of our coaches.
I am a firm believer that keeping the competition element in sports is essential, but that teaching responsible competition is what youth coaching is all about. We always want to win our games (some would have you believe that this is not important at all - I disagree), but in the end, win or lose, they are just games. For the players, learning how to improve their level of play is infinitely more important than winning individual games. I have lost many a game by working through development issues rather than taking a shortcut to win now (e.g., changing a player's shot so that they can be a successful HS player, recongnizing that their shooting percentage will go way down before it ever goes up). But learning how to finish and win a game teaches a level of mental control that is equally valuable.
Parents frequently do not learn how to balance competition and development, do not recognize that most youth teams win as many as they lose, that none of us involved in the game are perfect - not the refs, the coaches, or the players. But we can provide a lot to these players that will help them throughout life if they learn to compete with honor, rather than just win at all costs. And coaches have to educate the parents regarding what is important, because the parent can screw it up worse than anybody for their kid by teaching the wrong lessons from wins and losses.
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