I used to burn out. I umped for 11 years then quit from burnout. This was before high school coaches/players had to sit a game following an ejection.

But more importantly, I did not know how to end confrontations quickly and often through word and/or actions, would fan the flames, often unknowingly. What really turned me around was an attitude of "service" to the game, then, going to the Western States Umpire Combine and watching the "class" taught by ex AAA ump Scott Higgens on handling situations.

The next step, and what REALLY helped me a lot this year was the presentation at the NCAA clinic in Portland of Verbal Judo. I was SO impressed with the "5 step hard method" of conflict resolution that I went out and bought all three books on Verbal Judo. I have read the main book, and am about half way though another. I would say that if you just bought this one: http://verbaljudo.com/vjistore/index...products_id=26

you would get all that you need out of it.

Verbal Judo is the art of "compliance through persuasion". I am 100% onboard with it! IT WORKS!!!

Verbal Judo only teaches you how to de-esculate situations via your OWN words and actions. Often, coaches cross the line early and you should eject early! After reading this book, I feel I have a MUCH better line between allowing a coach to "talk" to me about a call, and ejecting him. All the usual rules of a "discussion" apply, but now I have tools to talk to coach into STAYING in the game, as well as having him LIKE ME after the game!

An example recently in a college summer league game I did. I am about 99.9% sure that I missed seeing a tag because of a poor position on the field. It was a crappy C position play with a runner on 2nd, the ball hit between 3rd and the shortstop, and the shortstop fielded the ball. If I moved into the center, I would have been in-line with the throw to 1st. If I stay where I am after I "open" to the ball, I am WAY out of position for seeing a tag at 3rd.

We all know that in 2 man mechanics, you have to get position for the "likely" play. In this case, the runner at 2nd who is behind me so I can't see him will usually stay put and the play is at 1st, so, I stay out of the throw line. Well, OF COURSE the runner at 2nd breaks, and the shortstop throws to 3rd. I do not see a tag and safe him. Coach goes ballistic. This was only my first dummy mistake.

Coach comes out and calmly asks "Ed, how could be possibly be safe". I answer, "I did not have a very good look at it". He says "You gotta go for help on that", now this is where I make my dummy mistake!, I answer "Bill, that call is all mine", he says "That was a crappy call then". I say, "Okay". Nothing more. He stares at me for about 2 more seconds then walks away. As he is walking away, he says to the home team coach "That is two homie calls against me today!". Well of course I eject him, calmly I may add. He turns and says "I wasn't even talking to you", I say back "But you were talking about me and questioning my integrity Bill, you are done today". He walks off.

I never raised my voice towards him, nor argued with him at all. I stated that I didn't see the play, and stuck with my call (my only real mistake really). I allowed him to voice an opinion about that call and only responded with an "Okay", as no other resonse was neccessary. He immediately left. At that point, HE decided to make it personal with the "homie" comment (he is an older guy and probably doesn't know that the term is "homered", I was not about to correct him... ). Of course he needed to be ejected at that point. He inquired why he was ejected, and I told him.

I knew all along that I probably booted that call badly. I emphasised with him on that. I would have been mad too. But through the whole situation, I did nothing to provoke him, other than saying that the call was all mine, which it really is, but in hindsight I should have gone for help!

Anyway, this kind of situation years ago, I would have dumped him, the player probably, the assistant, and a few fans for good measure. In this situation, only the coach went. Believe it or not, after the game, as I exited the park and he was coming back in, he apologized to me and shook my hand! I have had this same exact kind of thing happen MANY times in soccer since I started using Verbal Judo techniques, an ejected player/coach coming back after the game and shaking my hand with an apology, even though I STILL probably made a bad call that started the whole thing.

Anyway, what Verbal Judo taught me was how to allow somebody to "express" themselves without me having to take it personal. I am very willing to listen to constructive talk about a play, and as long as a coach doesn't get personal, I will calmly discuss things with him. If he get's excited, I have statements and requests to keep him on track about what we are there to talk about.

I believe a few things will prevent burnout:

1 - Know the rules.
2 - HUSTLE, HUSTLE, HUSTEL. Gosh darnit, I watch umpires all the time who make a lot of right calls but overall look VERY lazy who get barraged by coaches. I see young guys that hustle all the time who blow calls and only have short conversations with coaches about them! If you are not a hustler on the field, coaches DO notice that, and I can guarantee that they will not respect you.

3 - LISTEN to what a coach is saying and/or asking you. Indeed, they may be a bit "livid" when they approach, but if you have empathy towards them and try to really listen, you may find that it is a lot easier to end the discussion when you answer them directly. Your patience and good nature will be noted and appreciated. But, if you don't really hear what they are saying and/or asking, and you respond in a defensive way, I can guarantee that the situation will blow up on you! Good communication starts with YOU, not the coach!

4 - Don't take it so personal when you are critisized! Remember that coaches, players, and fans have an inherent BIAS for the call to go their way. If you always keep that in mind, and laugh inside about it, the comments just become funny instead of a "sting" to your ego.

I do over 110 games a year, usually over 120. By the end, I am ready for the season to be over, but I am not "burned out". Burn out comes from stress. I work hard and keeping the stress down in a game while still keeping compliance to the rules. I am the type that goes after players out of the dugout, and the white on a pitchers mitt. I don't like baseballs "tossed" to me. I am all over teams that don't hustle out of the dugout at the end of an inning. These are all very unpopular things to enforce, but I enforce them, and am always quick to smile and have kind words with players and/or coaches. So, while things can get a bit tense here and there, I believe that through a knowledge of the rules, hustle, and looking to keep guys in the game that situations get handled quickly and without further repercussions. If a coach carries on and is out of line, I get rid of him the second he crossed over the line! I learned that from a national level indoor soccer referee who always says "Set the line high, but when they cross it waste no time ejecting them". Coaches tell me they appreciate that approach, and I don't seem to burning out any more!