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In the occasional instances of confrontation with a coach, I revert to my training from my days on the police department:
I listen. I allow the coach to have his say and let it out. Sometimes this is all he wanted.
I adopt a nonagressive and nondefensive posture. I don't let my body language show him up or make me appear weak.
I speak softly. I make the coach spend as much energy listening as he does talking. Sometimes I will lower my voice to a near whisper.
I try to make him a part of my solution by utilizing words such as "we" and "our."
I will speak to what I saw and what I called. If the discussion centers around a rule application, I will explain the rule and how I applied it. I will answer only those questions focused on the same criteria.
(Exceptions are made when one of my long time favorites comes out on a call and discusses his favorite Italian recipes with me..."Hey, Garth, you tried that baked calamari I told you about? Remember the three cheeses when you do and make sure you don't let the garlic burn, okay? By the way, tough play there, you sure you got it?" Yeah, coach, I got it good. "Okay, ya know I had to ask, the kid is pretty disappointed. Take care." Thanks, coach.)
I refer only to the reality at hand; I will not speak to hypothetical situations. This helps to keep the coach focused on the current issue.
If after all this and at least three attempts to make sure he stays in the game, he decides he wants to leave early and demonstrates such by the F bomb, refusal to allow the game to proceed or personal derogatory comments, I will eject him utilizing Jim Porter's "little finger"...no big show, no dance, no shout to the upper rows. "Coach, you have to leave the field now, you have been ejected."
At that point, in my mind, he no longer exists. I will not talk to him further and will rely on my partner to escort him off the field, if necessay.
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