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Best things ever said at a plate meeting at which I was a participant:
Manager: "I want to talk a minute about last night's game."
Me: "No you don't."
Manager: "Yes I do. You guys were horse(crap) last night and really put us in a difficult situation, and you've been horse (crap) all year."
Me: "Is that your line-up card?"
Manager: "Yeah"
Me: "Can I have it."
(Manager gives me the card)
Me: "Good, now Good-bye!"
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Manager: "We need to hurry up tonight. Heavy rains are coming, and once it gets here it ain't gonna stop."
--Halfway through the meeting, It begins to rain---
Me: "Gentlemen, we'll finish this meeing up later. Keep the boys in the dugout."
Me (30 minutes later): "See you tomorrow."
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Manager: "Boy are we glad to see you, the guys we had last series were brutal."
Me: "Funny, they told me the same thing about your team earlier today. I came here to see for myself."
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Head coach: "We're ready to go, blue, but we only have 7. The others will probably be here after the basketball game is done."
Me: "We're done...and, skip, I need my paycheck."
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