[Mark Padgett]

Actual player comments and my responses from Saturday morning 6th grade boys rec league...

Player: those guys are reaching in and pulling my fingers
Me: it's not nice to ask people to pull your finger

Player: I'm getting fouled and you're not calling it
Me: girls play this afternoon

Player: I'm getting hammered
Me: really? who gave you alcohol? I'm calling the police

Player: will you call a technical on me late in the game? we're moving and this is my last year in the league and I've never gotten one and I would like to get at least one before I go
Me: how about I give you two right now, kick you out of the game then go over and slap your mom 'cause you're so ugly? (I only said this because I know the kid and his mom - and no, he didn't get a T)

Player: isn't that a kick?
Me: isn't what a kick?
Player: there - that?
Me: where - what?
Player: that kick
Me: what kick?
Player: that kick over there
Me: oh - that kick
Player: yeah - that one
Me: no
Player: huh?
Me: what was the question again?
Player: never mind

Player: how long does he get in the lane?
Me: him? 21 seconds
Player: I thought you only get 3 seconds
Me: yeah, normally, but he's a dog and he gets 3 seconds in dog years so he gets 7 times as long
Player: oh (and nods)

Player: ( this was the dumbest all day) do you know who I'm supposed to be guarding?
Me: no one - you're the goalie
Player: oh (and nods)

Someday, I'll write a book.