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From "Lance's School of Umpiring and Screen Door Company":
1. Yell "That's Game!"
2. Pull out can of Coors that you duct taped a chunk of ice to and kept in your Ump-Attire ball bag.
3. Shake hands with home coach and remind him that you usually work bigger games but are available for his next one.
4. Shake hands with visiting coach and remind him that you're available to come work with his pitchers and catcher for your usually $100 fee.
5. Toss remaining balls in the back of your pick up and save for your next garage sale and take off gear.
6. Remind partner that you saved his a$$ and you're available to give him private lessons for your usual fee.
7. Light up a cigarette, jump in the truck, and wave to fans as you spin your tires on the gravel. This will show them let you're an ordinary Joe, but just a bit better than them.
8. When you get home, be sure to check the answering machine for the many requests you'll get to umpire more games
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GB
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