The rule enforcement starts when the BR reaches 1st, regardless of subsequent activity. If all the pitcher does is watch, there is no play, regardless of what the runners do, BR advancing or not.
Not sure whether the runner at 3rd (R1 in softball forums) is stopped or moving when you say 4 steps and the "still a couple" steps. If moving in one direction after the enforcement starts, not out. If standing still, probably out by literal application. By spirit of rule, if runner at 3rd appears to be trying to draw a throw or trying for an advantage on a play on R2, then probably out.
I always want to point out that the rule is to control runners, prevent delays and too-easy steals, not as a "gotcha".
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Officiating takes more than OJT.
It's not our jobs to invent rulings to fit our personal idea of what should and should not be.
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