I've said it before, but here it is again. Get a tape recorder. Go down to the zoo and record an hour of screeching from the howler monkey cage. Go home, lock yourself in a closet, play the tape at full volume on a continuous loop for two hours while running in place.
If, after that, you still want to be a basketball official, get a prescription for Valium - then take it!
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Yom HaShoah
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