[Mountaineer]

Mine is short and sweet. I introduce my partners and myself to everyone and then . . .

To coaches:

Is everyone going to exibit good sportsmanship?
Are your players properly equipped and going to remain that way throughout the game?

To Players:

That means your shirts are tucked in and shorts are pulled up. This is your warning - we will sit you down. Good luck!

I should also say that I think the meeting is useless but it's required so we do it. I never ask for the speaking captains for the aforementioned reasons but most of my collegues do.