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So when is it ok to "let" the coaches communicate with a new ref? And who gets to decide that? I think dealing with coaches is as much a part of the game as calling fouls. You have to start somewhere. And if you go into this job without realizing that dealing with hostile coaches is going to happen, you haven't really prepared yourself for the job. I would not ever tell a coach to not talk to a partner who happens to be new. I would keep my eyes and ears open, however, and help out my partner if I felt he/she was in over their head. But telling a coach that a ref is off limits to communication - I think that's throwing around too much authority.
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