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I must say that, in general, I have run into far less condescension and patronization in reffing than in any other pursuit I have ever followed. It puzzles me a little, because I tend to run in pretty liberal circles, and refs tend to be pretty conservative, so I've had another of my own stereotypes busted up. But overall, I feel far less objectified as a woman ref than anywhere else. I know some women that won't agree with me, but in my three years, this has been my experience.
May I also observe that from players I have no trouble at all period. If they say anything, I reply, "You have a woman ref today, so that you'll be used to it when you get into the NBA." After that, they're fine. I did a very high level 4A boys game in a summer league last summer (I was supposed to do JV in the back gym, but the partner in the big gym didn't show, so we left the strongest ref in bacck to JV alone, and the other two took the front) and for the first two minutes there was some hesitation from the players, but it didn't last. By the end, all the boys from both teams were talking to me like an aunt or something. One boy even said, "I wish my mother would do this!" That same boy would argue with me if he disagreed with a call and was even rather disgusted at some of my decisions, which I took as a compliment.
From coaches, I have lots of problems with white male coaches, but very little with African-American males. Females either treat me preferentially (Like nice dressing quarters!) or neutrally. I think black males are more accustomed to strong, authoritative females, and don't feel threatened by them. They will complain about a call, but can be talked down, and are willing to make it up after the game. Some whites can be won over, with care, but there must be some trick to it, because I don't have the hang of it yet. In fact, come to think of it, I never have figured out white males -- which is a drag, since I'm married to one and have borne three of them!!
Of course all these comments are generalizations, and are based on only one person's experience. But I've porbably done close to a thousand games, so I think I can generalize a little.
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