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In the first situation, the issue is not really deciding whether the fielder has secure control, it is knowing, FOR SURE, where the ball is and confirming that it is in the possession of the fielder who made the tag. "Show me the ball" is a perfectly appropriate and common means of making that determination.
Now, to deal with the drop in situation 1 and the issue in situation 2, Evans speaks of the concept of "he had it long enough" to confirm secure possession, even in the absence of a voluntary and intentional release. The "long enough" principle clearly applies in both your situations. In fact, it's why nobody argued with your out call in the first situation, even when the fielder ultimately dropped the ball out of his glove. Everybody "gets it," intuitively.
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