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Originally Posted by Back In The Saddle
If you treat everybody the same, you're going to be a pretty ineffective referee. Some players you want to win to your side, because they can solve your problems. Some players you just let do their thing, because they're the journeymen who get the job done. Some players you need to actively "handle," because they're your game disruptors. You've got two coaches, and since no two people are alike, you're going to have to handle them each differently. If you're in a crew of three, you may even need to handle your crew members differently.
Case in point: In one of my Saturday games I had a kid who kept popping off to me. So I got in his grill about it. Then I hear a man in the stands hollering about how I have to handle this kid the same way I'd handle every other kid. Bull****. This kid was my game disruptor and I had to handle him differently or I will not have done my job.
Again, bull****. I'm there to do a job. That job involves making judgements about and exerting influence over others without undue respect to their feelings and sensitivities. Some people are going to be unhappy about what I do, no matter what I do. That goes with the territory. And while I absolutely need to be professional, and part of professionalism is not deliberately seeking to offend, I am under no obligation to watch my every word or walk on eggshells because little Johnny or Joanie (or Johnny/Joanie), or their parents, may choose to take offense at what I say or do. If I am made aware that I have offended somebody, I'll likely apologize. If I think they have a legitimate point, I will probably make a change. If I don't, I won't. In which case they can take their little crusade to change the world to the next potential convert. I don't live my life for them; they sure-as-hell ain't living their life for me.
And on the subject of authority, my authority comes from the fact that I've been hired by somebody with more authority to wear the stripes. Unlike important institutions like governments, my authority doesn't derive from the people I'm refereeing. I do not have to win their popular support. I do not have to pander to their whims. I do not have to be politically correct to win their vote. I have the whistle. I do not need to be liked, but I do have to be respected. And the surest way to lose respect is to try to conform to other people's whims.
And while I'm on a roll here, just let me say one last thing:
Another person's offense, real or pretended, at my words or actions is based on that person's perception that I have not embraced or respected their value system and/or view of the world. But by the same token, they have not embraced or respected my value system and/or view of the world. So while they clamour for my conformance to their value system, they refuse to give me the same courtesy. Political correctness is inherently a one-way street, and those who most demand other's respect seem least willing to give it.
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BITS
Great post! I mean that and agree with everything you say...but consider this, you're talking about dealing with behavior, which we have to deal with, while I'm talking about dealing with persons. It's on old axiom of leadership that when behavior is unacceptable, you address/deal with/fix the
behavior, you don't judge the
person engaged in the behavior. By treating all
persons the same, you can focus on addressing behavior.
Is that being PC? I don't think so. I'm not afraid of offending people and therefore walk on eggshells, and I certainly don't try to to make people embrace my values at the expense of theirs...I just consciously try to avoid saying potentially explosive/threatening/offensive things to people that I don't know--i.e., players/coaches/parents/administrators/etc--but that I may have authority over. Do I occasionally offend people despite my precautions? Of course I do, but I deal with it and don't punish myself with angst.
Is this a silly thread as some people have said? Of course a discussion on the merits of the word "ladies" can be beat to death and become silly. But this isn't about just that word. Words mean things, which sounds obvious, but they can and do mean different things to different people. And people often react to different stimuli--in this case words--emotionally and irrationally. Put even sane, rational people in an emotional athletic arena, and you never know how they may react.
A couple years ago I was deployed to Al Udeid Air Base in the Qatar desert. The 'Deid has a very good gym and a good intramural program for the troops deployed there. As such, I officiated the intramural b-ball games while I was there. The 'Deid is not a particularly happy place, though it's not that bad either, but as you can imagine tempers can run short in such an environment. During one of the games I called, one of the players, a medical doctor assigned to the hospital there, was losing control so I told the captain of his team, another doctor, that we needed to work together to keep him from doing anything "stupid". The captain went and talked to the guy...and remember, he's
a medical professional...and he went ballistic because I called him "stupid". I never did, but that's not what he heard. His perception of the situation was more real than the actual reality of the situation.
Moral of the story: I should have been more careful in my word choices to avoid such a confrontation. If I deal rationally, logically, carefully with behavior, I can more likely avoid an ugly human response. If I treat every
person the same, I can keep the playing field much more level and the focus on the game where it belongs, not on differing values.
Thanks for listening to my long-winded response.