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bebanovich --
I get your point and I totally agree. The only thing I'd disagree with in your OP is the part about it mattering more to your kids, than to others. I've seen some very privileged, white kids who have had every good teaching and proper parenting, who have no concept of perspective or appropriateness. They need the rules called consistently and impassively to the very end. If it WAS an intentional, and it certainly sounds like it to me, it should have been called as such, but not so much for your players' sake, as for the sake of the poor little white kid, who learns that if you just laugh at the right moment, you can shrug off behavior that's normally unacceptable. And then, the parents of the player should be talking to the coach about working with the kids on their attitudes -- I mean the white kids who really have a lousy coach.
As I think about it, I think I'll disagree about one more thing. Your kids can't ever learn the lesson that the rules always work in their favor. The rules are there to make the game better, but they doesn't mean that the kids are always gonna get a "fair" shake from the refs, or the announcers, or the fans, or the college scouts who are watching. I know it's hard to see kids get shafted, when you've tried so hard to teach them to follow rules, and control themselves and so on. The lesson after this game is, "Kids, those refs probably should have called an intentional, but they didn't. You can afford to be the "bigger" men here, and let it go. There's no way that foul hurt you in any way, and it's no big deal." After a game where a "bad call" has taken away an important win, the lesson is, "Yup, you got shafted. But life goes on, and by not getting violent, you have won some important games that are a lot more important than basketball. I know you don't believe me, but I commend your maturity and self-restraint."
I'm not just saying this on theory. My daughter, who is black, did get some important stuff taken away from her (and her whole team) in a basketball game, by refs who deliberately conspired. After that game, the coach said, okay, you feel like you got shafted, but life is bigger than this, etc.
I needed this lecture as much as those players. I saw clearly that everyone on that team who was going to get a scholarship had already gotten it, and they were able to go on with their lives without suffering materially. Thinking back on it, I see how right he was. The girl who "won" for the other team, struggled through a D2 college basketball career, and is now uncertain what to do with herself, while my daughter's teammates are respectively a doctor, an accountant and a military officer becuase of the D1, D1 and D2 scholarships they won.
Wow, you pushed a button, huh? I just want you to see a little more how right you are, and how much more you can be right.
One more thing. Sometimes the most empowering thing you can do for your players/offspring/students/mentees is to just assume that they'll handle a situation correctly. After all, that's the goal isnt' it? Maybe the fact that they kept control is the natural outcome of your work and teaching, and if you just sort of see that and comment on it offhandedly, they'll take that as a compliment. Let them be the great kids you've known all along they are.
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