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Bebanovich, the only reason I used the phrase "working the official, so to speak" is because the name of this thread is "coaches "working" officials ".
But my main point was, I don't think officials should be in the business of advising coaches how to communicate/coach. I think you would gain much more insight by thoroughly observing a coach who seems to do well in dealing with officials. Maybe talk to a coach or two to gain some lessons learned from their careers.
You are not going to gain any concrete answers here b/c just like coaches, officials have their own personalities. We each have our own level of tolerance and our own little pet peeves. Also, each game has its own personality, and what might be tolerated one game may not be tolerated the next.
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