[ChuckElias]

I heard these recently on the radio. They were both told by President Reagan, although I'm sure I've heard the first one in several different forms.

After Glasnost, traffic in Moscow grew at an alarming rate, and so did the number of speeding vehicles. It got to be so bad that the traffic cops were told to ticket anybody caught for speeding. In the spirit of the country's new "openness", party officials were not to be given any special favors -- everybody was to pay the fine.

One morning, Gorbachev woke up very late and realized that he had less than a half-hour to make his meeting clear across Moscow. He dressed quickly, and ran to his car where his driver was waiting. He told the driver they were going to have to fly across town and the driver politely reminded him of the speeding restrictions.

Gorbachev angrily told him to get in back and Gorby slid behind the wheel. As he speeds through the city streets, he is of course pulled over by a traffic cop. The cop lets him off with a warning and his partner questions him about it.

"I couldn't give him a ticket. He was too important."

"But we are not supposed to let anyone off with a warning. Who was it that was so important?"

"I don't know who it was. But he must have been really important, b/c his driver was Gorbachev!"

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A couple of guards are standing watch on top of the Berlin Wall. It's getting late, night is falling and people are hurrying to get home.

Suddenly, one of the guards takes aim into the crowd and shoots a man in his tracks.

The other guard is taken aback and asks, "What did you do that for?!?!"

The first guard replies simply, "Curfew."

The second guard objects, "But curfew isn't for another 15 minutes!"

The first guard says, "Yeah, but that guy is a friend of mine. I know where he lives, and he never would've made it."