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drumbum,
If you want to be taken seriously you have to write like you are serious. I reads like a story that your drunk buddy is telling you. As they said, it was very hard on the eys and just seemed to ramble, not to mention that it is pretty unbelievable. Not saying it didn't happen, just that it is hard to believe that it did.
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"Contact does not mean a foul, a foul means contact." -Me
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