I have a very long fuse too (probably because I coach American Legion baseball and have a better 'appreciation' for coaches views of officials just as I have a better appreciation for officials when I'm coaching since I'm also an official).
I haven't given any T's to a coach this year either. And yes, I should've once or twice. I let one coach yell across the floor at me and get away with it. The only reason I let him get away with it was because I wasn't sure he was yelling at me til it was too late. Afterwards, he didn't give me another reason to stick him.
The other possible time came during a County tournament game, semi-finals. The 2 schools are
HUGE rivals. They didn't play each other during the regular season this year because of how 'bad' things got during their last game of the season last year. So, this would be the only time this year they would be playing. Lucky me, I had the 'privilege' of officiating this game, knowing how much bad blood there is going in.
We had a great game, by far the most energy in a gym I've ever experienced. Standing room only was exhausted, not an open place to sit or stand in the gym. Atmosphere was awesome.
We get down to less than 2 minutes. Close game (4 points). The team leading is shooting the front end of a 1-n-1. I was the calling official and was now C opposite the table. As soon as the ball is out of the shooter's hand, the defensive player under the goal steps in the lane. The ball isn't even close to the rim yet. I go out with my arm for the delayed lane violation. Sure enough, free throw is missed. 'tweet'. I called it. (I had already had 2 delayed violations on the other end, however, both times the free throws were made so I hadn't called one yet).
As soon as the coach realized what I had called, he called a full timeout. I knew he would want me to talk to me. Sure enough, he motions for us to come over. We got there, coach starts talking (big man, talks fast). He made a couple of comments then he pointed his finger at each of us. My 1st instinct was to whack him. But, immediately something triggered me to withhold my whistle, stop the coach, for the sole reason of letting the kids decide the game on the court.
I realize the coach should've thought about that before pointing his finger at us. To make a long story short, the kid knocks down both free throws after the timeout to put his team up by 6. By the 40 second mark, the game was tied and the team whose coach deserved the T was shooting two. Missed both 'em, other team gets the rebound, goes down and hits a 3 and goes on to win by 7 (by hitting free throws the rest of the way).
Our state evaluator was at the game and came in and talked to us after the following game (we had a
VB DH that night). He told us that even though the coach deserved the T, he thought we did a good job by not giving it to him considering the game situation as well as how it would have probably incited the crowd in a negative way to boot.
I've even run into quite a few people from the team (fans of the school) that won and they bring that game up. This incident has been brought up each and every time, and every person has said they thought we did a great job in holding our whistles so that the kids could decide the outcome.
I'll probably get scratched by the coach that deserved the T next year (he's already requested to our assignor that none of the 3 in our crew that night have another of his games this year). Upon hearing this, the 1st thought that came to my mind was "heck, if he's gonna scratch us anyway, I wish I would've stuck him". But, within a few seconds, my thinking changed. If I had it to do over again, I would do it the exact same way. I let the coach have too much rope and I'm the one taking the hit in the end, but, everybody in the stands (and that heard about the game) knows that I had no input in determining the outcome of the game. We left that entirely up to the kids, and we did it without a riot breaking out, lol.