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I've found that 9 times out of 10, when I approach a player and tell him that now would be a good time for him to calm down, he does.
"32, I need you to take a second and calm down." I used that the other day in a very intense 8th grade boys game, and it worked well.
The glare has worked well, also, but the player has to be paying attention to this.
If you have a coach who is coaching the kids instead of critiquing the officiating, you can generally approach the coach quietly and say something to the effect of, "Coach, you might want to have 43 tone it down." He'll either know what's going on (from experience) or ask what he did.
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Sprinkles are for winners.
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