[bkbjones]

There is one more smart-*** type response, which I have used more than once. I don't recommend it for everyday use, and it ain't for everybody, but it darn sure makes a point. Learned it from an old umpire in the last millennium.

Called a strike on a batter on a pitch that was on the outside third of the plate. Batter took exception, reached across the plate and drew a line about six inches from the plate on the other side.

I briskly hustled (of course!) out from behind the plate and cleaned the dish. The dish didn't need cleaning, but got cleaned just the same. On my way back, I dragged a foot about another four inches outside the line drawn by the batter.

Got back in there and wanted to say play ball, but the catcher was laffin so hard that we had to wait a few extra seconds. Batter was not amused but got the bat off the shoulder...