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I find that each school does the best it can. Some of the schools around here are lucky to be able to have lights in the gym, let alone extras for the ref, like water or showers or towel.
What I do insist on is (1) a lockable location where I can leave my stuff, and I'm sure there aren't 20 keys floating around. A coach's dressing room is usually pretty safe -- of the door is left locked. (2) I also insist on a room where my partner and I can chat and relax alone! No coaches, no ADs, no table personnel asking questions. (3) The last thing I always expect is to be treated politely by the AD, and not harangued about the game.
I get better treatment when there's a female AD, or a female head coach who has thought about the needs of a woman ref. (shower, privacy, access to partner). It's amazing how many schools don't consider the possibility of a reffing partnership consisting of one male and one female. Only once have I capitulated on this issue and we took turns dressing privately while the other waited in the hall. Now, when I go to that school, I dress at home, and let my partner know he should, too.
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