Sounds to me like you handled yourself very well and had a legitimate question. The ref, on the other hand, if he really reacted as you describe, was quite unprofessional, no doubt a bit insecure, and probably a rookie. He had no business getting angry at you for asking such a question. Yes, things can and should be called differently at that level compared to higher levels. But if your girl did indeed get pushed in the back, the players still need to start learning that they can't do that. Getting penalized accordingly, and then EXPLAINING to the girl what happened and how to avoid such a call the next time, will help her avoid doing it again, and promote safety.
As to whether a player could legitimately be considered going for the ball from behind, I would say it IS conceivable, if for example he/she tried to reach around the shooter to strip the ball from the front. Usually a push in the back alone, though, with no attempt to get at the ball, is pretty easy to identify and should be called as such (i.e., "intentional").
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