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Thanks for your replies. I guess that answers my question; each official has a different set of guidelines that they use as reference points in determinng flagrancy. That helps me to understand why one official would get upset at a player saying the word "damn" and another ignoring it. This is based upon an offical's own personal set of guidelines; makes perfect sense to me. So what is stopping any offical from infringing upon another official's set of personal guidelines? Seems to me that there has to be a baseline measurement so that there is consistency that players and coaches can rely upon. Whereas I trust one offical's judgement, another's can be quite the contrary.
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