I'm pretty serious about umpiring. One of the things I do is keep old articles from Referee Magazine and NASO 's It's Official. Why I even make copies of interesting posts on rules or mechanics. I must admit it is sometimes difficult to get substantive umpire material from the Internet. We seem too focused on proving our positions, thinking about how to retort, and not listening a whole lot. For the benefit of those umpires who visit for the "entertainment value" let me offer from David Letterman's Late Show Top Ten from Tuesday, Sept 30, 1997. This apperared in the March 1998 issue of NASO's It's Official.
10. His chest protector has silicone implants.
9. Cleans home plate with his tongue.
8. The first batter has worked the count up to 46 balls, 29 strikes.
7. Makes own facemask out of bubble wrap and duct tape.
6. Was seen checking into Motel 6 with the Philly Phanatic.
5. Three small and very telling words: wears a cape.
4. Keeps running up to a fat guy in the stands and yelling "Babe Ruth! You're alive!"
3. Insists that "baseball fever" is the cause of that weird rash on his back.
2. Whenever he sees a player adjusting himself, shouts "Ball two!"
1. Long after the game has ended, he's still squatting.
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