I feel your pain, I really do! I can also share two examples and things I've learned from them.
First was at a camp this summer. Two whistle game. I was really inexperienced and my partner was very quick on the whistle. My partner was making all of the foul calls, and I was getting frustrated at my own inability to get into the game. The evaluator (a very good college ref and assigner for a nearby conference), pulled me aside and suggested that I needed to be more aggressive. That there was stuff to be called in my area and that I needed to "go get it." Now, at the beginning of a game, I often find myself thinking that I need to get the first one to get me into the game. Different mindset, different results. Sometimes there is just nothing in your area to call, sure. But more often, I think, you need to develop a mindset that there's stuff there and you need to "go get it." (subject to all the usual provisos about game flow, advantage/disadvantage, etc.)
Second, and I'm still smarting from this one
Last night, second ever "official" high school game. Working with a veteran varsity official. I was doing VERY badly. Call 911, evacutate the building, I'm stinkin' it up bad! Fighting off a cold, little sleep the night before, recipe for slow thinking and lousy reaction time. It seems on every call or no call the coach is yelling about something that I just wasn't seeing. Ugh! Partner and I talked at the half, and he encouraged me to dig down and do better. Did my best; second half sucked less. After the game he told me that he adjusted his game in the second half to more match mine. Say what you will about whether he did right or wrong, the result was that things went more smoothly and it took a lot of the heat off of me, which translated into more self-confidence, which led to a better second half for me.
My conclusions? A, get more aggressive and make sure you have a mindset that includes going and getting what's in your area. B, be actively looking to get your first one, after that it usually gets easier. C, a strong partner can sometimes really help a struggling partner without letting the game get away from them. D, time and experience will help you get more of the stuff you're missing. Ask your partner what you're missing. Focus on catching some of it. After the game, consider what coaches may have complained about. Next game, look for those things. I'm convinced that experienced officials may watch the whole play, but they're focused on looking for the specific things they know can happen. That kind of "mental filter" can turn a rapid blur of activity into something you can actually see and process.
Two other suggestions I've found helpful. When I'm working with a "quick whistle" kind of partner and I'm struggling, I'll ask him to hold his whistle just a bit on stuff where we've got dual coverage and give me a shot at it. If you consider that to be rookie thinking, sobeit, I'm a rookie
Second, when you've got a double whistle and one partner is getting most of the calls, that partner needs to give it to his partner. It really helps make it look more even, more like you're on the same page.