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Mike,
I think you did a great job holding your water.
I've also really worked on sideline communication this year. In fact, it's one of the key reasons that I worked semi-pro ball this year. You get a lot of opportunity there to work on your sideline communication.
A couple of things that work for me (you may already use some or all of these techniques):
1. Always ask at the begining of the game who is the 1 person that you should communicate with (this helps me if I have a wacko assistant giving me the business all night; at some point, I just make it the head coach's problem). Same with a get-back coach.
2. When he's yelling about a call, I fight to keep myself outwardly composed and say something like: "Coach, if you want to yell at me, we're done talking. If you would like me to listen to you and discuss a play/rule, then you will need to settle down and speak calmly." This usually resets their attitude. If they don't get calmed down immediately, I'm on to the next spot/play. No time for a loudmouth without discipline!
3. As a coach begins to discuss a play, I will position myself BESIDE him looking onto the field vs. in front of him. It allows me to focus on the movement on the field and keeps him from face to face conflict. It's tough for him to wage war when you are shoulder to shoulder.
4. Before I answer a question, I almost always ask the coach a question to clarify what I heard. This forces me to listen intently, think about what he said, and then formulate a question to confirm what he's asking. For example this week on a potential running into the kicker call, Coach - "was that roughing? did he take 2 steps?"
Me- "Why do you ask about the 2 steps?" Coach - "if he has 2 steps and hits him, isn't that a foul?" Me - Coach, it's a judgement call, whether he took 2 steps or not. I observed the play and in my judgement, a foul was not warranted." Now, he can either argue about my judgement (short discusssion) or find something else to do.
5. Also, establish communication early. I introduce myself and tell him that I will do everything I can to communicate what's going on on the field. However, there may be times that it takes me a play or two to get all the information back to his sideline, but I'll do my best. Now, I've set his expectation on what info he'll get and when he'll get it. Very Important. Then, early in the game, I find ways to proactively establish communication with him.
In my early years, I chose to not engage with or to avoid the coach. I find that establishing repore with him early in the game, it pays off for us both.
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