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I coached my own daughter for a number of years (she's a JR now and has since stopped playing) but I still work with our local youth program and our V Coach with summer camps and our travel team evals)....I started calling games prior to my kid starting to play.
As she moved into travel hoops, the league we played in, I was also a ref for for a few years prior. Most of the guys that called my games, I had worked with so I never had and never would tell another guy during the heat of the game, "I'm a ref/official also"...
My demeanor and how I speak to guys officiating my games will let them know I know what I'm talking about. When I have a question, it's using terms like Lead, Trail, legal guarding position etc...
I know first hand what the guys in stripes are going through. Especially at lower level where it's a mess....I don't need help from the bench when reffing and I am not going to make an a$$ out of myself when coaching. I've got kids watching me and I set the example for how I want my parents and players to act/react.
Truthfully, I'm so focused on my kids while coaching them in game that I don't really allow myself to focus on the calls...they are what they are and as we all know, no amount of complaining about a call you disagree with will make the guy with the whistle have some epiphany and change his/her mind.
I'm a far better coach because I have officiated and I think I'm a better official because I have spent time on the bench. Having the perspective from both sides has served me well in both roles over the years.
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