I wasn't at my best yesterday, please help!

[LIIRISHMAN]

After doing this for 4+ years I take pride in trying to do the best job possible when I'm on the diamond.Yesterday I truly didn't know what to do and after looking at the rulebook I'm still unsure if I got it at all even partially right.This was a Junior High game ASA rules. Runners on 3rd and 2nd base no outs.B/R had an 2 and 2 count that I announced before the next pitch.On the next pitch I called Strike 3 and catcher dropped ball.There was no movement by B/R or the catcher. Catcher returns ball to the pitcher when I again said strike 3 on the batter showing 3 fingers and speaking loud enough that my partner in "C" position heard me.The next part of this was sur-real. Pitcher delivers the ball over the plate where the hitter with 3 strikes hits the ball in to the alley in right center and the two base runners crossed the plate.The defensive team had the game well in hand at this point of the game but the coach said there was 3 strikes on the batter and I said yes coach there were but your pitcher pitched the ball back over the plate.I got together with my partner and he stated that it now becomes a batting out of order appeal.I came back to the defensive coach and told her that it was incumbent upon her pitcher and catcher to know what to do in a dropped 3rd strike situation. I have several questions
1)What is the ASA rule for this boondoggle?
2)How do you fix this?
2)How do I correct this in the future without aiding either the offense or defensive side?