It's OK to laugh now, but not then
 

A thread of the funniest things you heard on the field but you couldn't laugh because they were serious.

"It was a catch, the ground can't cause her to drop it." On a dropped diving catch.
Or
Player "Shouldn't that be an out?"
BU "Why?"
Player "He didn't take a full swing, that makes it a bunt." On a ball that got past left and almost made it to the 300 ft fence before being fielding resulting in a standup triple.

INF sitch:

Fly ball, F6 camped under it about 10 ft behind third and another 10 feet into the infield from foul territory.

Coach: Did you just call the infield fly?
Me: Yessir, I did.
Coach: Doesn't it have to be on the infield to be an infield fly?

That ball was fair, blue! I heard chalk!

Since I'm usually the only funny person on the field... but I have a crappy memory..

this past weekend:

Catch with live appeal at 2B - I call runner safe. Runners dugout starts yelling "ah they got you they got you you blew that one blue"

Next play, banger at 1B - of course I call out. They start yelling "man the other guy was out and this one was safe you blew two calls in a row!"

"Well it was a maker upper then" They all laugh "Oh OK"

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R1@B1 grounder to F6 who bobbles a little and takes a little time getting to 2B and R1 is cooking .. Very close play at 2B but the BR had given up on the run so was out by a mile for the Double Play.

"You know were buddies blue but that wasnt close, I was safe, he didnt even touch the bag" Me: "Short stop, did you touch the bag?" He of course affirms my wonderful eyesight "Did you get him?" Once again SS affirms my judgement. "See he got you. Even if he missed the bag I got you on the vicinity rule" Him "Oh OK"

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Many Tournaments:
Partner in C - Check swing on a righty.
Coach yelling "see if she went see if she went" so catch asks me.
Me to 1B base coach "Did she go... be honest now?"
So far every base coach as said no.

Sometimes they think its funny, sometimes not.. but I always get a kick out of it.

I have done the same in pool games of tournaments where we are working one man!

Why not laugh? Hey, stupid usually is funny.

I only work 1 man in rec but I've done it there too :) Tournament 1 man is not allowed in our area by contract (except SP).

I follow a few rules I created for myself with it though.. usually just regular pool type games - if its intense I dont do it and I dont do it when it would embarrass the catcher. If she asks on her own I dont do it. If coach makes her, I do it. Just gotta pick your moments.

One man mechanics.

Batter on a check swing and the umpire calls the pitch a ball. F1 asks for help. Umpire steps out pointing to first and yells: Partner, was there a swing.

The umpire then turns facing the plate and yells Yes, while giving the strike mechanic.

The umpire gets back behind the plate and says: Then that's a strike while giving the strike mechanic.

Some of our fields here have the foul line painted on the grass, so there's no chalk...so here goes:

That ball was fair, blue, I saw chalk flying out of the grass! (and where was this coach? sitting on the 1st base side bench when the hit was down the 3rd base line!)

I have one from when I worked 1-man in a slowpitch tournament. I was following BR up the 1st baseline, and had a bang-bang out. Sold the call (or at least I thought I did). Coach of the offensive team comes out and asks me about it (and he was a drunk college kid). I offered to ask my partner for help, and coach said sure let's go to him. Starts to turn, looking for my partner, and then looks back at me, and said, ummm, where is he? I smiled and said, time to go back to the dugout. His head was hanging low on the walk back to the bench.

Me: "I dunno coach, these players are faster than my brain. I thought for sure I heard the sound of leather on a tag."

Unfortunately my evaluator heard that one and I got to hear about it..


Working a flame thrower: Catch - "Where did that miss?"
"Heck I dunno, sounded a little low."

Me to catcher "Hey stop moving your dang glove, how am I supposed to know where the pitch was?"

Me to Shortstop .. runners @ 1and3:
"You guys dont try to pick off that girl at 1 do you?"
"Sometimes"
"Well ok, but you gotta tell me if you get her cuz I sure wont be able to see it."

On an in-the-park HR last night...

Me (to F4): Call the cops.
F4: Why??
Me: That runner blew through every stop sign on his way home. He MUST be drunk.

Hard shot down the third baseline strikes the base and shoots up in the air. I immediately signal fair ball. The defensive coach started screaming "It hit the bag...it hit the bag." I said "I'm aware of that, coach. That makes it a fair ball." "No, no, no, he says. Didn't you see it hit the foul side of the bag?"

This is about the time I start laughing. :D

Response may be something along the lines of "No ****, coach" instead of such the nice little explanation above.

Again, laughing......hard!

As a league official in our company intramural league, I was overseeing two playoff games between the top 4 "C" division teams. We were walking from an upper field to a lower level field and passed in foul territory along the right field line.

A batter hit a liner over the infield into right field near the line which landed fair by about 10 feet. The ever alert right fielder, noting that the ball had some spin on it, ran parallel to the foul line and proceeded to wait on the ball to go foul, at which point I'm sure he would have pounced on it to keep it foul.

As we were passing very nearby while the play was going on, I suggested to him that he might want to pick it up right away. Runners from first and second were high-tailing it around the bases.

His teammates started yelling at him also, and he did finally pick up the ball while it was in fair territory.

Ted

Foul side of the bag is a good one :)

Of course with the orange bag.....

Sadly, I had an umpire ask me the following question...

If a fly ball passes 3B in fair territory, then curves foul and out of play, is that a ground rule double?

:eek::confused::(

Had a catcher that was a BIG kid and liked to set-up close to the plate. Made it tough for me to get a good look at the ball hitting the mitt.

Pitch comes in, batter swings and misses. DEFENSIVE coach starts yelling, "Come on, Blue, you got to call that!". I'm scratching my head. I did call it- it was a strike.

The coach is getting more and more vocal about how I "missed that call". I figure that maybe I should talk to the coach real quick and see what's up.

Me: Okay, coach, what's the problem.

Coach: How can you miss that? You've got to call that! The batter can't do that! Somebody is going to get hurt!

Me: What exactly is it you think I missed? (I didn't see it or hear anything unusual).

Coach: The batter hit the catcher's mitt! That's interference!

Me: Coach, I was blocked out and didn't see it. I'll watch for it, but in the meantime you might want to tell your catcher to back off the plate a bit.

Coach: (still not satisfied) Come on, Blue. You have to call that!

Me: Are you sure you want me to call that?

Coach: Yes.

Me: Are you really, really sure?

Coach: YES!

Me: Okay. If you insist....(loudly) That's obstruction! You (pointing at batter), first base!

A sad/funny one about another umpire I worked with...

I'm on the plate, parther in "A", right-handed batter.

Pitch comes in low and batter checks his swing.

I call "Ball".

Catcher asks me to check with partner on the checked swing.

I step out from behind the plate, point to my partner and ask, "Did he go?".

My partner gives me a deer in the headlights look, stands there for a few seconds and then....shrugs his shoulders!

I agree its ok to laugh!

There are those games/tournaments/times when its all business, for me its not all the time though.

You have a lot less problems if you develop a working relationship with those involved, learn names, and treat em with respect and have a little fun. If you try to be dictator-in-chief you'll earn yourself a bunch of trouble and on the other side, some D head coaches try to make that impossible. The extreme side of having a little fun at the right moment is the dancing bear umpire who is putting on a show for everyone - thats almost as bad as the ultra anal umpire running around left field checking shirt tucks and bandaids.

Hard line drive down first base line. BR leading catcher and I trailing. Ball hits the line. Catcher yells out "FOUL BALL!!!!". BR stops and turns to question my judgement only to find me pointing furiously fair. He resumes running and I stick out my left arm but right fielder is now taking his time chasing down the "foul ball". BR takes a wide turn at third, thinks better of it since the ball has finally been retrieved and returns to third. Time. I award BR home on the obstruction.

Defense tries to argue that it was only verbal and I can't call it Obs. Sorry fellas your catcher yelled something reserved for me.

Defense now tries to argue that it also obstructed their fielder.

Sigh. Sorry fellas no rule against interfering with a team mate.

You are evil, just plain evil :D

this happened to me my very first game. No one on, and I was set up too close to foul line behind first. F3 moved into my line of vision and I didn't see the play. Catcher askes PU to check with me on check swing. PU points at me and asks. I've officiated enough other sports to know that if I don't know differently - I'm sticking with PU's call. I gave a strong signal. Following game on way to car he was laughing. Said he knew I didn't see it but asked anyway to see what I would do. Told me he'd be happy to work with me again. I've adjusted my positioning!

Had a football coach who was about as stupid as this coach you dealt with, though he did seem to have a smart motive for it. He wanted my white hat to change the illegal motion penalty (which is a live ball penalty that can be declined) to a false start penalty (which is dead ball and cannot be declined) because he thought I had it wrong because his receivers were moving at the snap. They weren't stimulating the snap, so that's why I called it illegal motion. Coach kept insisting for the false start, and I pulled out a flag and called unsportsmanlike conduct on him. My white hat had the deer in the headlights look, as did the coach. When I said to my white hat, "coach is trying to pull a fast one on us," white hat said "next one will cost you your a** coach!" Coach wanted to know how he was pulling a fast one. He never figured it out and looked like he was trying to catch his tail between his legs. The rest of that game went so easy.

I did this once in a one-man rec game....the first base coach came back to me with a loud YES and a good strike signal...it took him a few seconds to realize what he had just done!

ME: Strike

Batter: Come on blue, that pitch was up around my bosoms!

Me: And your bosoms are below your armpits are they not?

Some are down to their knees...

I will have to admit. I couldn't help but laugh then and she did as well.

If not, could you please post a photo? :D

This is one that I thought about doing just last night, but my partner encouraged me not to.

This was a big cross town rivalry type game. Some guy in the bleachers had his tired old line of "Come on, ump, you are controlling the game."

I so badly wanted to walk over to him and say, "Thank you sir, for recognizing the efforts of myself and my partner in doing an otherwise thankless job. I really do appreciate you letting these naysayers around you know exactly what our job is, to control the game. You sir, are truly a rare gem."

My partner threatened to leave the field if I did say that to him. ;)

It’s so disappointing when working with a non-supportive partner.;)

Partner owes you a beer or two for that! ;)

You know...I agree. I have a game with him again on Monday. I might need to point this out to him!

This happened years ago. I had a runner on 1B with 2 strikes, 1 out in a youth game. Runner is leaving on the pitch, batter swings and misses at a pitch in the dirt, the batter makes it to first. I then tell her she's out anyway. Between innings, here comes the offensive coach (you know where this is going, right?).

"Now, the runner wasn't on first base, so really first wasn't occupied...:)"

Oh, I forgot...night game. :p

Okay, new mechanic.

When a coach says something that stupid, call the opposing coach out to the field and ask Mr. Softball to repeat him/herself.

I wonder how this would work. Would that cut down on the number of ridiculous comments or double them? :rolleyes:

What coach? Your runner wasn't on the base when the pitcher pitched the ball? If that's true, coach, then your runner should be called out for violating the look back rule...and a no pitch, so bring your BR back to the plate.

I'm not sure if it would be worth the risk of now having two coaches on the field saying stupid things.;)

This one happened to me in a baseball game, but it's so freakin' dumb I had to throw it in...

Runner on first base. Pitcher failed to come to a discernable stop in the set position and I yell, "That's a balk!". Pitcher then made about half a pitching motion and stopped before delivering the ball to the plate.

Base umpire points the runner to second base.

Offensive coach comes out with a question. He wants to know why his runner only got one base.

Huh? What do you mean, Coach. He got a one-base award because of the balk when the pitcher didn't stop.

Coach fires back, in all seriousness, "Yeah, but then he stopped his delivery to the plate. That's two balks. Shouldn't my runner get two bases?".

:eek:

Don't think that's such a wise idea.

The opposing coach might say, "he's right."

Yes, but the opposing coach might otherwise say "Coach, you're an ucking fidiot!", saving us the trouble of labeling the idiotic coach. :D

You give the opposing coach entirely too much credit. ;)