Here's a funny I did...
 

Okay, I know we're supposed to be serious out there, but...

It was the 16U final of a weekend tournament this summer, and naturally, the tension was a bit high. During games like that, I try to add to the levity a bit, and my opportunity came in the bottom of the first...

First batter... ball comes in, bounces off of the bevel of the plate, and right into my protector... no problem, that's why we wear them, but naturally, the coach in the first base box calls out, "Blue, you okay?" And as is my practice, I answer in a high, squeaky voice, "Yeah, I'm fine..." That's always good to break up things just a bit, but then came the perfection part...

The third base coach, seeing that I'm okay, holds up his hands to indicate a 1and 0 count (surprisingly, he got left/right correct) and asks me the count, "Blue, 1 ball?" Without missing a beat, I say, in the same high, squeaky voice, "Nope... it got both of them!"

Coaches laughed... fans laughed... and I didn't get a single argument all game long.

Lee:) :D
:p

I'm probably out of touch and too conservative but I just dont think that is funny in a girls game.

I always think before I say something in a girls game.. "would I want that said to/around my daughter by an umpire"

In today's age, that type of humor is IMO off limits and one day could lead to trouble. Be mindful of what you are doing.. even something as innocent as picking up a catchers helmet could be seen by the father/parent of that catcher as improper behavior with his daughter... let alone discussions of your balls.

Funny responses Leecedar, although I agree with wadeintothem that you (we) need to be very carefull what is said in any game we umpire, especially when females are involved.
People are looking for umpires to make "comments" that can be considered wrong around females.
There are some phrases that are "common" to use in softball (or baseball) that I avoid using such as:
"The batter has 2 balls and no strikes"; "Dead ball-it hit her in the box". These comments can be "taken wrong".
A few years ago, prior to one of the few baseball games I umpired, the coach and I had this exchange of my intended humor:
Coach: "Hey Blue, do you have any balls?"
Me: "Yes, I have been told I do."
Coach: (Smiling) "I mean game balls".
Me: (Smiling) "Yes, I am all set".
The coach and I were the only ones involved in my "word play" although he did tell his assistant.
Sam

So when that 16 yo pops up at 3B after a head-first slide and tells the coach she needs a new set of nipples.....:eek:

Run

:)

OK on a cleaner note, worked a 18 u/gold showcase last weekend. Because they dont report line up changes I didnt notice they changed pitchers for the new inning and I had gotten used to the pitchers pitches.. heat heat heat.. standard change up, etc.

Suddenly .. this barely moving nasty thing out of nowhere slowly hovers into the catchers mit right down the middle.. my brain screams "wtf was that!" .. my mouth says "ball".

"Blue what was wrong with that???"

I ignore the question recovering... knowing I blew it .. during the lull I tell the catcher "To be honest, that pitch just plain fooled me". Got a laugh .. of course she told the coach who between innings goes light heartedly "hey can I protest cuz my pitcher got you"

"Coach youre winning by a million"

"I know but my pitcher still got you and i'm gonna protest"

Was funny.

No nipples or balls involved but still funny.

I see both sides of this discussion. I love to have fun and joke about things, unfortunantly society has gotten to a point where it takes the fun out of things! And for the record I do have a 16 year old daughter, and I still think it was funny....but I also understand there are alot of parents out there that don't.

I had a funny one, that I actually let go.....getting ready to start game 2 behind the plate of a tourney playing on a diamond where there was a fence that went into an unhappy homeowners back yard who liked to collect softballs female coach comes up to me and my partner and the following conversation was had:
Coach:"How many balls do you have?"
Me: (after a long hesitation)"I have 3 I am fine"
Partner: (after coach walks off)"I am proud of you, I could tell you wanted to say something"
Me:"Ya I debated and realized I did not know her well enough to say 'I have 3-12" and 2-4"'"

I thought I was going to have to do a 1 ump for the game, he didn't stop laughing till O I think it was the 3rd inning....:D

OT, and just a pet peeve of mine; people who move into an area and start objecting to what was already there (farms, airports, ball fields...)

I wonder if the softball field was there when the "unhappy homeowner" bought the house?

I think that I may have shared this before.
I was doing LL 12U and the pitcher threw a pitch before I was even behind the plate. I called no pitch and instead of telling her to wait for me to point to her, I told her to wait until I gave her the finger. Parents all got a chuckle

I was doing a 14u tournament when one of the umpires not working at the time came to the backstop in between innings and told me when I gave the count the score keeper upstairs couldn’t see my balls. I though of a 1000 come backs, looked at all the fans sitting around and bit my lip. Later I asked him if he realized what he had said. He was quite embarrassed.

That actually happened in a college game I was working about 20 years ago. It was at a small Christian school in Costa Mesa, CA. I was the PU in the second game of a DH, and a home team batter lined a hit into right-center, and made a head first slide into 3B. My partner signalled, "safe", and then, "time out". The runner (who was WELL ENDOWED) got up, stepped off the bag and while brushing herself off, conversed with the 3B coach. My partner all-of-a-sudden got a HUGE grin on his face and turned away. Between innings, I asked him what was so funny. While the runner was brushing herself off, the coach asked her if she was okay. Her reply was, "Yeah. I just need a new set of nipples".

So you can see, many remarks in jest, actually are true.

I was working alone in a HS Frosh softball game. Batter fouls a pitch that came up and hit her.

Me: "Foul ball. Hit her in the box". Three boys who were spectators fell on the ground laughing. That's what I realized what I had said.

Bob