Are Jokes Allowed?
 

Here goes nothing.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...

'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'

I'm like...Helloooooo?

It's only 25 cents!!!!"

Corny, but what the hell.

There are 3 Spies that get captured. One spy is French, one is German and the other is Italian. Their captors come into the cell and grab the French spy and tie his hands behind a chair in the next room. They torture him for 2 hours before he answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets. The captors throw the French spy back into the cell and grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair as well and torture him for 4 hours before he tells them what they want to know. They throw him back into the cell and grab the Italian spy. They tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing. 4 hours go by and the spy isn't talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell. The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk. The Italian spy responds, " I wanted to!, but I couldn't move my hands!".

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery. "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

Here goes nothing is a great description !!!!!!

Give us something better than that !!!!!!!;););)

Here's my contribution:

http://forum.officiating.com/general...370-jokes.html

A cowboy walks into a bar in Montana and orders three beers. The bartender sets him up, and the cowboy takes a sip from one beer, then a sip from one of the other beers, then finally a sip from the last one.

The bartender tells him, "You know, if you would just order one at a time, the beers would stay fresher" The cowboy explains that he has one brother in Oklahoma and another brother in Texas and they made a pact with each other that as long as they were separated, this would be how they drank so that it would be like the three of them drinking together.

This went on for quite a while and became somewhat of a local legend in the small town in Montana. At one point, the cowboy didn't show up at the bar for some time. When he did return, he only ordered two beers. The bartender noticed this and immediately approached the cowboy and told him how sorry he was for his loss.

The cowboy looked confused for a moment and then realized what the bartender was getting at....he said to the bartender....

On no, nothing like that. My wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.....didn't affect my brothers, though!

An old man is sitting next to his wife in church. He can feel some gas building up in his bowels, and does his best to hold it in. After a few minutes, he can't hold it any longer, so he gently leans to lift up one of his butt cheeks to gently let it out. After doing so, he leans over to his wife and says, "Honey, I just let loose a couple of silent fluffies....what should I do??"

His wife replies, "Change the battery in your hearing aid!!"