removing chain gang
 

do we as officials have the authority to remove a member of the chain gang who loudly (or otherwise) disputes a call and makes a damn fool of himself on the sideline?

Yes

Absolutely, the Chain Crew is a part of the Officiating Crew. The following is from the 2012-2013 NFHS Officials Manual:

Page 11 … Linesman Pre-Game Responsibilities
IX-D3. Remind crew of their duties, responsibilities, and that they are game officials, not fans.


Page 11 & 12 … Auxiliary Game Officials Responsibilities
B … Line-To-Gain Crew:
The line-to-gain crew serves as assistant officials and is partly responsible for promoting the smooth operation of the game. Because the crew is serving in official capacities, it must be reminded it has forfeited rights and privileges as fans and shall refrain from making remarks or acting in a partisan manner. It is not required, nor is it necessary for a representative of the visiting team to serve as a member of the line-to-gain crew. This often detracts from efficiency. If a member of the line-to-gain crew has a reputation of incompetency or of being a distracting influence, the referee is authorized to replace such an incompetent crew member.
The home management is expected to provide a line-to-gain crew which will be businesslike and impartial in discharging its responsibilities. Any individual member who cannot comply must be removed. There should be nothing to detract from the efficiency of game administration. Those on each end of the line-to-gain equipment must keep it stretched tightly and not move it until instructed to do so by the linesman.

Yes you do.

In varsity action, I've done it once. Box man had a nasty habit of standing perpendicular to the sideline between each new series. The field is at an older stadium so the team boxes are narrower than most. This was merely irritating.
Then there was the on and off commentary that I made a mental note of. Finally, just before halftime, the visiting team forces a turnover and he loudly protested that a personal foul should have been called.

As soon as the clock hit 0:00, I notified him that his services would not be needed for the second half. I then notified the AD on the way to the dressing room that we would need another box man.

JV: home team coach sends me 4 varsity players who'd rather be forced to sit with their parents than work chains. Box "man" keeps flirting with a cheerleader the whole first half to the detriment of his duties. At half I send word to the HC I wouldn't be needing # so & so back. Next night I have the varsity game and guess which WR lines up on my side? Yup, # whatever. During a dead ball I smile and say "didn't I fire you last night, sure hope you got her number".
The kid never lined up on my side the rest of the night. I think I scared him off.

Middle school game: some parents get drafted to round out the chain crew that had some vacancies. We have the kickoff and begin the first series. I get the chains pulled back but notice the box man is literally glued to my backside. He says "you're in my way". I said "I'm right where I'm supposed to be, you need to be back there with the rest of those guys." "No, really, you're in my way."

Whistle, time out signal, "OK, that's it, you're gone." Back stake man: "You can't talk like that to him." "Ok, you're gone too." I borrowed the county Sheriff and his son in law to finish out the half.


My primary trainer once tossed a guy because he was so inebriated he was using the stake for support.

Funny you should mention this.

Worked a JV game last week where we had 4 ineligible (for various reasons) players punished by being forced to work the chains. I thought the linesman was going to fire and/or hurt one of the stake men -- he kept texting during the game.

Right or wrong, I was more amused watching the H than I was annoyed at the chain crew. I didn't wait for them, anyway. :)

I don't understand. Isn't that the way they'd usually stand while holding the "down box" stick?

This isn't uncommon in the rural parts of our state. I've had some games where I thought about joining him at halftime. :D

Absolutely - at any game. And have done so, at multiple levels.

No, they stand with the box parallel to the line.

If you drew a line between their feet, that should be parallel to the sideline. But I usually consider the way their body faces to be the direction they're standing, and shouldn't that be perpendicular to the sideline? And facing into the field, of course.

"Consider" what you like. Everyone else knew what he meant and understands it that way - opposite of what you consider.