Just to lighten things up, some of you may want to post any funny situation that you have had occur in one of your games.

Many years ago, my crew was working a varsity game between two mid sized schools. It was a close game, and about half way through the third quarter, team A ran off tackle for about a five yard gain. One of team B's linebackers came in really late, so my umpire tossed the flag for the late hit. The linebacker got up, saw the flag and asked, "Is that on me?".
We said that it was, and then he said, "I must have been temporarily insane!".

Two years ago we had a game where one of the QBs was extremely athletic but smaller. Kind of like the very quick and pesky point guard. Well he made one of his 15 yard runs where he ran from one sideline to the other and back while running about 100 yards total. In the end he actually fell down making a cut. One of the defenders said after they got back to the huddle, "It's like trying to catch a cat in the corner." I almost doubled over.

What's the signal for temporary insanity?

My BJ just relayed a story to us last week. Earlier in his career he work as a Linesman. During a game he was getting a lot of grief from one of the chain crew. He finally turned and asked what this guy did for a living.

His reply, proudly, "I'm a New York City Cop."

Linesman's answer, "I don't come to your precinct and tell you how to eat doughnuts so don't tell me how to do my job!"

Last night at a Freshman football game. At the coin toss, we are telling the captains to come to the middle with the BACKS to the benches. BOTH teams turn and FACE their bench. Oh boy! We are in for a long game! :D

Two players on defense complained that the right guard was holding, it was away from the play. I told the guard, the defense is complaining that you’re holding them, so I’m going to keep an eye on you, doing some preventive officiating.

He responded, fair enough.

REPLY: Some years ago, I was the white hat for a local varsity game. {Stop laughing...that's not the funny part.] QB Dave Brown (with the Cardinals now, right?) from Westfield HS throws a pass over the middle to TE dragging behind the defensive line. Pass hits our umpire square in the forehead and he goes down. Seeing the pass fall incomplete, Brown asks me, "What was that?" All I could say was, "Assault and battery, I think."


Three years ago, we had a game on an old Astroturf field. During an injury TO, the players spot this tan puddle near the succeeding spot.
Player 1: "What's that?"
Player 2: "Looks like puke."
Player 3: puts his finger in it, raises it to his mouth, licks it off his finger and says, "Yep...it's puke!"

I never heard football players scream before that.

Dumb Captains
 

We had a game where the perennial powerhouse was coming to play the perennial doormat. The visitors won the toss. Before the WH could give the options they said "We want to kick." The WH told them to slow down, "Here are your options: defer, receive, kick, or defend a goal." Again, "We want to kick." The WH said, "Do you understand your choices? You can DEFER, RECEIVE," and with much less emphasis, "kick or defend a goal." Again, "We want to kick." The WH says, "Ok."

So along comes the second half. The home team has choice and chooses to receive. When the visiting coach hears they are kicking off twice he goes ballistic. We tell him that his kids chose to kick in the first half, his eyes went wide and then he turned and grabbed his captains. He made them do bear crawls from the behind the bench for half the 3rd quarter.

Sometimes no amount of hints will get through to some kids.

Dumber Captains
 

Just 2 weeks ago - 7th grade game.

"OK, son - you're going to call it in the air. You (looking back at home team) are going to tell me what he said. OK, ready?"

I flip the coin, visitor calls "Heads". I look toward home team - "What did he say?" Home captain says, "Tails". I pause, think, look back at the visitor captain and ask him what he called. He says, "Heads". Look back at visitor - "OK, what did he say?" "Tails".

I look up, flabbergasted, at my umpire, a 35-year grizzled guy who is trying his best not to bust up laughing at me and my predicament.

"Son, I need you to tell me what your opponent said."
"He said Tails".
"Son, the rest of us heard him say 'Heads' - I need you to repeat that for me so we all know you heard it."

"But WE wanted Heads."

AArrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!

Re: Dumber Captains
 

That's a good reason why I have the caller tell me what he is going to call before I toss it and I repeat it making sure EVERYONE hears it.

Yesterday I was doing a Soph game. The guys running the clock were two retired guys, somewhat senile, I think. An example: 14-8 and the 14 team scores. I see 22 go up on the scoreboard, so you know what kind of a day it will be. Near the end of the game the runner goes OOB, we signal to stop the clock and it keeps running (for about the 10th time). I showed a look of frustration with the home coach and he says, "You think we should get a para (teacher aide) for those guys?"

Freshman game a few years ago, i'm the R. I set the ball and announce 3rd down. QB looks at me and says "how can it be third down already, we've only run 2 plays?". I looked at him and said, thats why its 3rd down.

8th grade game a couple of weeks ago.

Punt goes into the endzone and I blow it dead just as the receiver starts to return it.

He looks at me at asked what happened. I explained to him that only on Sunday is that returnable. He looks at me and said "All that time I spent on Madden, wasted!"

Two weeks ago, All state team vs. the team that went 1-8 last year. During the first half, we have three holding calls against the all state team. Coach tells our HL that we are the worst crew he has seen. Says that we are the first crew to call holding on them this year (this is during the 3rd week of the season). Further informs HL that his team cannot be holding because they do not teach them to do that and only teach them proper blocking techniques. We all got a good laugh regarding his comments.

Well of course :)

JV game last week, A lines up with #43 in tackle position so that they didn't have 5 with #'s between 50-79. I throw flag and blow dead. Coach asks why. I explained he didn't have 5 with #'s 50-79 and, of course, he informs me he has been doing this all year and not had a problem. I informed him it was the 2nd game of the season. End of discussion.