Most crews that I work with like to start the game out with a quick joke after the coin toss before going to kickoff positions. If other crews do this, do you have any good ones?

This isn't a joke but one time our WH pointed to the cheerleaders and asked one of the captains of the home team:

Which one of the cheerleaders is the best piece of a$$?

The captain identified one of the cheerleaders and told how the cheerleader put out for three players at a party. The cheerleader turned out to be the niece of of our LJ. At the time, none of us but the WH and LJ knew who she was and the captains and the rest of us were all laughing loudly. The LJ was steaming and the sidelines wondered what we were laughing about.

It went downhill from there. The LJ quit after the game and we got a new LJ the next week. At the next game, the WH confessed that he knew that the cheerleader was a slut and set up the LJ as a joke. Some joke.

As BJ I have the kicking team on free kicks. When one team is really scoring a lot on the other team I get to meet the kicker quite frequently at the 40 yd line. After several consecutive kickoffs, I will say to the kicker about placing it on the tee, "Last time you had the ball upside down." Also,I might say, "We've got to quit meeting like this, people are going to talk." Or, "That last drive was too fast, try to slow it down so you run time off and we get home sooner." Last night I meant it because I wanted to see the Red Sox-Yanks game. I will also compliment him on his team's drive or if it is the team that is way behind, but finally scores, they deserve a compliment too.

PS - The WH is the one who should have quit, or else the rest of you! I wouldn't want to work with someone who was so unprofessional.

I agree. Telling a joke when no one can hear you is one thing, but this is totally different. Not only could the situation you descibed happen, but a player's sister might be a cheerleader. That R is just asking for trouble, and if he used that kind of language at the coin toss, it doesn't set much of an example.

If I have a team that's been scoring quite often, and I hand the ball to the kicker on the kickoff (depending on 3, 4 or 5 man mechanic-I usually end up in the position that I have to do that job), instead of saying "Wait for the whistle and signal from the white hat", I'll say either "We gotta stop meeting like this" or "You know the routine by now." Usually they'll crack a smile and say, they just love kicking the ball and keep asking the team to keep scoring. I'll say "Just keep the drives long, so I don't have to run like crazy". Another smile, and we're usually ready to go by then!

funny story but one your prefer to be folklore, how does that WH now handle it when players are cussing? I'm sure if that story got back to school officials, he'd be done for asking that question and his language.

Very inappropriate behavior. The WH should be "counseled" for his actions, maybe by the local Sheriff?

This may sound like a "stuffy" comment but really I do like to joke as much as the next person. It's ok to kid around and have fun with the athletes but the WH clearly crossed the line.

Soap box time: Interscholastic sports is there for a reason which is an extension of the classroom. We as officials are like adjunct faculty. This is something that a teacher wouldn't say in a classroom and shouldn't be said on the field (ie: the extended classroom).

Maybe it is just a story and only a story, it never happened but someone made it up. I find that story very hard to believe.

A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he can have a drink. The bartender says, "well okay, just don't start anything".

Or my favorite bar joke, one my 6-year old tells:

These two guys walk into a bar. One looks at the other and says, "Hey! Who put that bar there!"

Fish is swimming upstream and runs into a concrete wall....Dam!!!

Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks "Why such a long face?"

:)

My umpires favorite....
 

When I joined our crew, my umpire immediately told me this joke before the game. It has later meaning as well.

A country girl goes to the city to visit her cousin. The city girl takes the country girl all over the city seeing the sites. The country girl is in awe of it all. They pass a photography studio and the city girl thinks it would be a great idea to have thier picture made to remember the visit. The country girl has never had her picture taken and reluctantly agrees. They go in and the city girl talks to the photographer. The city girl comes back and says that the photographer is willing to take thier picture. But she says, it will be just a minute, he going to "focus." The country girl gets nervous and asks "bofus!"

So now, any time we huddle and talk about focus, we also get the bofus comment.

A good pre kick-off story (to get you in the mood)
 

New car salesman hands the keys of a new 2005 Mercedes to the buyer. The buyer gets into the car and starts it up. After 30 seconds or so the buyer shuts the car off, gets out and hands the saleman the keys back to the salesman.
Buyer:"I am no longer interested in this car".
Salesman: "Why"?
Buyer: "You would think with the kind of money you charge for this vehicle, that the radio would work"!
Salesman: "Well sir the 2005 mercedes has a voice activated radio. All you have to do is vocally announce the type of music you wish and the radio begins to operate".
The buyer gets back in the car, starts it up, and says "County and Western" immediatly all 8 speakers begin playing Willie Nelson singing "Wiskey River"
The buyer smiles, nods to the saleman, and drives off. After driving a block or so the buyer says, "Rock and Roll!" Immediatly the car is filled with the sounds of The rolling stones.
Turning onto the freeway the buyer says "Easy listening" and the vehicle radio begins playing soft and relaxing elevator music.
While driving down the freeway the buyer is cut off by three cowboys in an old pickup who are swerving lane to lane all over the freeway. Having to take drastic action to avoid a collision the buyer shouts "Fickin losers!"
At that moment the car is filed with the sounds of the University of Washington's marching band playing the "Husky Fight Song!!!"

We have a ref who says, "In God we trust, all else pay cash."

"No phone calls."

"See the foul, find the ball, make the call."

We have a running joke the the new guy is always the HL and his job is to find the yummy mommies in the stands.

A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop. I love that one. Happy Holloween!

Re: A good pre kick-off story (to get you in the mood)
 

Now that's funny Kevin LOL

Did you hear about the Indian who drank so much tea before he went to bed he drowned in his tea-pee?

Re: A good pre kick-off story (to get you in the mood)
 

I was going to buy a Japanese car but during the test drive I realized I couln't understand the songs on the radio.

Yeah, I had the same problem when I was in Oklahoma.

Bar funny
 

Two termites walk into a bar. One says to the server, "Where is the bar tender?"

Ace in CT

It's the same thing, inappropriate for HS sports. I've never had to flag, but I let them know I heard it and ask them to watch their mouths.

During an extremely hot and humid game the home team coach was displeased with the LJ's calls for most of the game. Just before the start of the 4th quarter the LJ was on the sideline near the coach. He took off his hat to wipe some of the sweat and to chase away some of the flies that had been particularly nasty that today. He decided to strike up a conversation with the coach and mentioned how terrible the huge flies were that were constantly buzzing around him. The coach said, "Oh, those are popular around here. They're called circle flies." Having never heard of them the LJ replied, "What are circle flies?" The coach went on the explain that they are called circles flies because they are the type of flies normally seen circling a horse's ***. The LJ quickly turned to the coach and asked, "Are you calling me a horses ***?" "No, no", replied the coach, "I have far too much respect for an official to imply such a thing." After a slight pause the coach then remarked, "Sure is hard to fool them flies though."

Two Irish guys walked out of a bar....