We all have talked about funny lines we would love to tell a coach but know it would be unprofessional but I do have to tell two stories.
The first one was the last game of the 1983-84 regular season when my wife and I were still living in Glendale, Califorina. It was a boys' H.S. varsity game my partner was a good official who I had worked with a number of times in the last two years (his first name was Mark too, and wasn't Junior because he still wasn't a gleam in my eyes yet, LOL); I was the R in the game.
From the opening tip-off, the V-HC was on my case and the H-HC was on Mark's case. When the first quarter was over I told Mark I was stop this nonsense once and for all. We brought the two HC'es together and told them that it was obvious that the best place for Mark and I to officiate the game was for Mark to sit next to the H-HC and I would sit next to the V-HC for the rest of the game. The HC'es looked at us with stunned faces but never said a word the rest of the game.
The second story was during a boys' H.S. jr. varsity summer league game. The one team had committed 16 fouls to only 4 fouls according to their coach. He demanded to know what he should tell his players. I told him to tell them to stop fouling. LOL
MTD, Sr.