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Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 03:28pm
Do not give a damn!!
 
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Dating a relative of a coach.

I have a situation that I did not know I was going to have during the season. We have talked a lot about conflict situations with family members.

Well I started dating someone back in late summer and her cousin became a head basketball coach of a program. They are also rather close and talk to each other often. Her attitude is to be expected as she does not look to me to do anything differently than I do normally and would get on her cousin for makig the situation difficult for me if we ever had a game together. Well I have been assigned a game where her cousin's team will be participating in later this season. If this were you, would you work the game or not and why? Would the decision change if this were a fiancé or a spouse?

Peace
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  #2 (permalink)  
Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 03:33pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JRutledge View Post
I have a situation that I did not know I was going to have during the season. We have talked a lot about conflict situations with family members.

Well I started dating someone back in late summer and her cousin became a head basketball coach of a program. They are also rather close and talk to each other often. Her attitude is to be expected as she does not look to me to do anything differently than I do normally and would get on her cousin for makig the situation difficult for me if we ever had a game together. Well I have been assigned a game where her cousin's team will be participating in later this season. If this were you, would you work the game or not and why? Would the decision change if this were a fiancé or a spouse?

Peace
I would talk with my assigner about the situation and let them decide if it is appropriate. When it comes down to it, they are going to have to defend you if your partisanship comes into question.

However, I would remove myself from the game because no good can come of it.

-Josh
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Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 03:33pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JRutledge View Post
I have a situation that I did not know I was going to have during the season. We have talked a lot about conflict situations with family members.

Well I started dating someone back in late summer and her cousin became a head basketball coach of a program. They are also rather close and talk to each other often. Her attitude is to be expected as she does not look to me to do anything differently than I do normally and would get on her cousin for makig the situation difficult for me if we ever had a game together. Well I have been assigned a game where her cousin's team will be participating in later this season. If this were you, would you work the game or not and why? Would the decision change if this were a fiancé or a spouse?

Peace
Easy one.
Could justifiably be a perceived conflict of interest.
Given the fact that your schedule is likely ideal without that one game, it's not worth the risk to keep it hoping nothing will come of it. If something does, that could, in the minds of those you need to satisfy, shipwreck your reputation in an unrepairable fashion.
It's only one game. One I'd advise you to turn back. It won't hurt you to do so. Don't do so, and the possibility of it hurting you exists.
Easy one.
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Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 03:34pm
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If it were at the JV level or below, I doubt anyone would care. But wouldn't even think of doing the game at the varsity level. Even if got out by accident and had nothing to do with anything, it's just the kind of juicy nugget that people will unquestioningly latch onto.
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Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 03:42pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JRutledge View Post
I have a situation that I did not know I was going to have during the season. We have talked a lot about conflict situations with family members.

Well I started dating someone back in late summer and her cousin became a head basketball coach of a program. They are also rather close and talk to each other often. Her attitude is to be expected as she does not look to me to do anything differently than I do normally and would get on her cousin for makig the situation difficult for me if we ever had a game together. Well I have been assigned a game where her cousin's team will be participating in later this season. If this were you, would you work the game or not and why? Would the decision change if this were a fiancé or a spouse?

Peace
Three words: Not a chance.

If, somehow, that information gets out you’re in a no-win situation. Even the appearance of impropriety is enough to get any of us in trouble.
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Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 03:44pm
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Work the game. Double T the coach and toss them. On their way out, wish them merry Christmas and tell them you will see them at the family get together.

I really don't see a problem here. It is a cousin of someone you are dating, not the person you are dating. Anyone who thinks your integrity could be compromised for something so trivial needs to stop sniffing glue and get a life.
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Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 03:45pm
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I would explain to your scheduler - and unless no other option was available, I'd not work the game. I KNOW I can be impartial. However, I also know that even if I am impartial - if it's known that I am dating a coach's cousin - no matter how that game goes, someone will perceive that I was not impartial (in one direction or the other ... or both.)
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Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 03:52pm
beware big brother
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MD Longhorn View Post
someone will perceive that I was not impartial (in one direction or the other ... or both.)
Who is this someone, fans, opposing coach, assignor, players? There is really only one person on this list whose opinion we should even be concerned about and if your assignor doesn't know you well enough or trust your integrity to work the game fairly than you have bigger problems than who your girlfriend is related to.
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Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 04:07pm
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I wouldn't take the game. I just completed my first season of volleyball & only blocked 1 team-my best friend happened to be the coach of that team and I was worried about the appearance of impropriety.
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Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 04:13pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JRutledge View Post
I have a situation that I did not know I was going to have during the season. We have talked a lot about conflict situations with family members.

Well I started dating someone back in late summer and her cousin became a head basketball coach of a program. They are also rather close and talk to each other often. Her attitude is to be expected as she does not look to me to do anything differently than I do normally and would get on her cousin for makig the situation difficult for me if we ever had a game together. Well I have been assigned a game where her cousin's team will be participating in later this season. If this were you, would you work the game or not and why? Would the decision change if this were a fiancé or a spouse?

Peace
Not a chance I would work the game. Its not exactly the same, but when my daughter was a CHEERLEADER for her high school I blocked every school in their district at every level. During a JV tournament her senior season her school advanced to the semi-final game I was scheduled to call. The other semi-final game was at the same time in the other gym. I called both coaches together and told them I would be switching gyms and explained why.

There are plenty of other schools...no need to give anyone a reason to question your integrity.
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Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 04:28pm
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Gotta +1 with everyone else. Perception in basketball officiating is big, no reason to open yourself up to undeserved criticism.
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Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 04:35pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johnny d View Post
Who is this someone, fans, opposing coach, assignor, players? There is really only one person on this list whose opinion we should even be concerned about and if your assignor doesn't know you well enough or trust your integrity to work the game fairly than you have bigger problems than who your girlfriend is related to.
Any of the above. If you don't see the perceptional issue here, I can't help you see it. It's not about integrity --- perception DOES matter.

Put it this way. We all miss calls, right. What happens if you do a game in this situation - and you happen to miss one in favor of the girlfriend's cousin. And it's caught on video. Or heaven forbid TWO calls - both in favor of the same team.

"How can he miss that - it was obvious! The only explanation is that he didn't call it because of the cousin." And your assignor has no leg to stand on (or worse yet ... begins to question your integrity!)
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Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 04:54pm
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Perception And Reality ...

Give the assignment back.

I've been retired from teaching, and coaching, in my hometown school system for about ten years. All three of my children attended my hometown high school, and participated in sports, while in attendance.

After ten years of blocking out all home, and away, games, all levels, boys, and girls, involving this high school, this is the first year that I felt comfortable not blocking it out. But after not blocking it out, I did tell my assigner to do what he thought was appropriate, and best for all involved.
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Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 05:00pm
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Personally I wouldn't worry about it.

There are so many different ways for us to have "conflicts of interest" that if we took them all into account we wouldn't work any games.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old Wed Dec 11, 2013, 05:03pm
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I will just say this. I am not giving back the assignment. Not happening. This was not a regular season game. This was a shootout-tournament of some kind where the teams were not determined until recently. I am not giving back the assignment. I might change, move around, but I am not giving back the assignment. Not happening!!!

Peace
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