Reflections on taking some time off
 

This marks the first basketball season since 2007-2008 that I won't pick up a whistle at all.

A lot of things factored into this decision. One of the biggest being that I packed up my family and moved across the country to a new city, far away from the association where I really started officiating, moved my way up from rec league to Jr. high, to JV and eventually Varsity. We moved in February, in the middle of last season.

But it really started before that, when I had a major falling out with my assignor. I won't go into a whole lot of detail, but I was extremely frustrated with the way he handled a particular game that I called. I'll be the first to admit that I didn't do a great job on the game.

The manner in which he reamed me out about the game (via email and without taking the time to talk to me about my side of the story about what happened during the game) and the long history of not receiving ANY sort of feedback or evaluation set me off. We had words.

After working in that association for six seasons and getting nothing but positive feedback from anyone who ever watched me (of course there was criticism, but I'm talking about overall), my assignor proceeded to tell me that he never should have promoted me to varsity, and that every official in the association he had ever talked to said they were surprised that I was working varsity games.

I told him that I had talked to many officials who had recommended me for varsity (one of whom is a D-I women's official working in the Pac-12). He told me they were all "blowing smoke up my ass" and that he made a mistake by bumping me to varsity. We had more words.

A couple of nights later, I was getting ready to leave for my game, and my 5-year-old boy and 4-year-old girl were literally tugging at my pants asking me "Why do you have to go, Daddy? Can't you just stay with us tonight?"

I was choked up all the way to the game, wondering why I was missing out on the most precious years of my kids lives four months out of the year. All for what? To be yelled at by fans and berated by my assignor?

I texted my assignor as I was in the stands and told him that night would be my last game. As fate would have it, I was offered a job across the country the very next week.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. Partly because I miss the camaraderie, and it's been a while since I've hung around other officials. I literally walked away one night, moved away the next week and just broke it off like a bad relationship. I think the other part of me is telling you all this because I wonder if any of you have ever gone through a similar experience? Or hung it up for a while because you just lost the magic?

I think maybe I'll come back one day. When the kids are older and they don't enjoy having me around so much -- it's really nice that they're still at an age where their faces light up when I walk in a room.

But for now I'm just sitting on the sidelines, watching on TV and just observing. It's kind of a weird feeling.

About the kids.... I never picked up a whistle until the last baby was off to college. Kids come second (after the wife!).... BB will still be there after the kids are grown. (Plus--you can go to the dark side and coach their teams while they are young :))

Man, screw that dude. Although I would love to hear what coulud have gone SO wrong that he would need to react in that manner.

I have young kids too, which is why I only work a limited schedule. My thought process is that I would like to stay close to the game, and I want to get my foot in the door so that when I'm ready to do it for real I'll be ready to roll. I'm sure you'll be back, but do so at your own pace.

I let the coach walk all over me and my partner during the game. I took full responsibility for that, and called my partner after the game to let him know I was sorry for hanging him out to dry in a couple of situations.

It was an incredibly heated, physical game and I just let the coach say and do way too much. The problem I had was that my assignor spent an hour on the phone with the coach after the game, another hour watching tape, and zero time talking to me about it before he sent me an email saying how crappy of a job I did.

Side note, the transition between JV and varsity was very interesting to me. It always frustrated me that, in Idaho, coaches got quite a significant say in which officials would go to state. That wasn't the case in JV for assigning post-season games.

So, all of a sudden, you move up to varsity and it's just a fact that you have to start worrying about what the coaches think of you, if you want to compete for post-season games. It's a crappy situation to put officials in, because it changed the way I started approaching technical fouls.

That was compounded by the fact that I never really new if I was doing it (interacting with coaches) the way my assignor wanted me to, because he didn't communicate with me or evaluate me, or send anyone to evaluate me. I would just ask other, seasoned varsity officials about situations, and whether they thought I handled things correctly. I made adjustments, but I know interacting with coaches was by far my biggest weakness.

Not trying to be funny here, but all of this comes with the territory. And this is not special to officiating when dealing with superiors or with colleagues. I would never totally quit because of these things, but to each his own. There are other things more important in life, but this sounds more like whining to me about what did not go your way. We have all been through stuff that did not go our way and we are still working. I am a little disappointed that you felt it that serious to quit, but this is not made for everyone either. This is at best a hobby that happens to pay money like an extra job. If you cannot deal with the crap that comes with it, save your sanity and get out.

I wish you the best, but I am not sure what you wanted the rest of us to say about your situation. I have heard that story many, many times before.

Peace

It's called opportunity cost. Is what you're getting worth more than what you're giving up? It's different for everyone. So evaluating me based off how you feel or view the situation probably isn't very helpful.

I made the decision that the long hours, little pay and poor treatment from my assignor was not worth taking time away from my kids at their young age. I'm not sure what's so "disappointing" about that.

Well, I kind of spelled that out, while acknowledging that I'm not sure either. Sometimes it's cathartic to just get something off your chest to someone else.

I have an almost 9-year-old. She plays softball (I'm the coach of the team), volleyball, and basketball.

I've missed some things. I'll admit it. I wish I would've made a few of those events, but not all of them. I'll admit that, too.

I've never been of the mindset that my life ended at the moment I had a child. Now that she's old enough to talk to, I've told her that I will try to get to some of her games and events, but she has to understand that I have my own games, too, and that those are important to me. If I give it up now, I'm not coming back in 10 years when she's off to college. I'd probably never come back.

If that makes me a shitty father, so be it. Mom's chosen to go to everything -- that's her choice. Probably makes it easier for me to not be at *every* *last* event.

When she's playing at the HS level, the balance may change, but I can guarantee I won't simply quit and follow her from event to event, either.

And since I'm coaching her team in the spring, I'll be cutting back on summer baseball work. That needed to go anyway.

My 32.5 cents
 

First of all experience is the greatest teacher. So if you ever decide to wear the uniform again you will be better for it.

Second of all, never worry about what you can't control. Trust me when I say this, coaches don't care who the nicest officials are or who they get along with, they want the best officials, period. So continually working and mastering our craft will allow you to walk into any gym on any given night without fear of having to "impress" a coach for his vote. The votes will eventually come when you are ready.

Third, what's fantastic about our craft is you can choose to work a couple nights a week. Maintaining proper balance can be difficult, especially if you are trying to reach varsity levels on a consistent basis, or higher levels of play.

Good luck in your new settings.

We're rated by the coaches here, too, and our non-conference assignments are typically made by the schools. Hasn't stopped me from whacking coaches who needed it and I never think about my schedule when I need to drop the hammer (which doesn't happen often).

I haven't been at a (not-so-local, so I'm not that sad) school in a few years -- I called a fifth foul against their star player for a blatant illegal screen and my usual 2-3 non conference games there went to zero overnight. My regular partners still are asked to work there.

But that's how things work sometimes and I'm too old and have too much integrity to worry about how a particular call is going to piss someone off.

I want to be clear that I'm not projecting my decision/thought process on anyone else here.

This was a very personal decision for me and, of course, everyone's circumstance is different.


Really appreciate that.

I think I will start picking up a few kids rec league games here and there next year. But I really just felt like I needed to take this season completely off and spend it at home to clear my head from all the politics and jockeying for position that I was going through back in Idaho.

Rutledge is right. That stuff isn't for everyone. I went through that in a previous job, and I did the same thing then. I quit. Walked away and started my own business. So, maybe it is more about my personality than anything else.

Different strokes for different folks.

I chose to go the other route and give up a large chunk of my schedule rather than miss my sons HS games (when they were in HS). If that makes me a shitty ref, so be it.

Well, I have 5 more years to figure that out.

I currently have Mon-Wed blocked out for my HS assignors b/c I'm in school.

And b/c I'm having some problems with my 15 year-old, I'm limiting my availability to my HS assignors even after the semester ends.

Ouch.

Thanks for making me feel old.:p

Nah, mine was born when I was 35. We enjoyed 8+ years of marriage before we decided to have a kid. Always fun to go to the school and see parents in their late 20s and early 30s and I'm in my mid-40s.

There's no right answer for any of this. It's all personal. One of my regular partners decided to pack it in for both HS baseball and basketball because he has 3 teenaged daughters and he wanted to coach and watch. I'm happy that this is the decision he wanted to make. I'm glad he stayed with FB, cause it would be hard to find a line judge as good as he's been.

I'm only working HS boys and those games are frequently played on different nights, so if she plays hoops, I'll probably not have to do much to see most of her games.

Yup. Happened to me with baseball. Did my time, moved up through the ranks, then realized it just wasn't fun like it used to be. No one's fault, no one did anything to tick me off, it was all me. Took about a 20 year break, then started doing it again this year.

As for missing my kids' basketball games, for the most part I block those nights. Both of mine are in HS. Our assignor is great about sending me to games on other nights. My own father, who officiated for 20+ years, always told me not to miss those. He missed some in his day, and regrets it to this day.

As they say, different strokes. YMMV.

I am just commenting on what you stated. If you cannot take the heat of what this entails, then quit. Again this is not for everyone. Everyone does not have the personality to handle these situations and all it involves. You have found other things in your life more important, that is no different than any other decision in our lives. You made this decision public and it is really not my goal to "help you out" or suggest that you should come back. If you want to get out that is your decision and you will have to live with that decision. I know when I hang it up it will be my decision as well. We all have a different threshold of what we will tolerate and you have met that point. I did so with another sport and did not need validation to come to that conclusion. That sport was simply not important enough and I valued other things.

Good luck with your decision.

Peace

LOL...ok, JRut!

Do not get mad at me, you put your personal business in the street. None of us would have known anything but I guess that is the thing to do put all your personal business in the street. ;)

Peace

Oh I'm not mad. Just entertained. You never cease to entertain!

Yep. It's that simple. :cool:

We used to live in a time where parents worked, had other lives and somehow we were OK as their children. I never get parents that stop doing everything just to go to a game there kid will not even play in. Then again I am not an official that would be working every single night like I had nothing else going on in life. Heck in many cases people use this money they make in officiating to take care of their kids activities. It is not like we are doing this for free. My parents would go out of town for their jobs and would sometimes miss something. I got over it.

Peace

Me too, but for different reasons
 

I am sitting out this year as well, and I can relate. Four events last year drove me to it:

1) A school published the wrong time for a game and called at the last moment to tell me I had to be there an hour early. I left a critical work meeting early, got a speeding ticket on the way (which blew my seasons earnings), and had a crappy game.

2) A soccer official was killed here in Utah. I have never felt threatened, but the resulting media attention made me realize how much people hate us.

3) I reffed a sophomore coach I have known for years with a referee in literally his third game. My partner sucked and I had to T my long time friend for complaining about it too much.

4) Health problems (rotator cuff and double hernia) made me a step slower and I realized I was not doing as good a job as I had been doing.

Bottom line is, it was time to walk away for a year or two. It is better for me and better for the kids. My local association president never questions or judges when a ref hangs it up. He knows it is likely better for the game as well. Congrats to fiasco for realizing where he is. It is much better than continuing to ref when you don't enjoy it. Hopefully he (and I) will come back.

It's A Living ...
 

In my case, a college education for my three children. Back then, I worked games anywhere, at anytime, sometimes six, or seven days a week. And I worked a part time job bartending in the summer (I was a teacher). That's all over now, my kids appreciate their college degrees with little, or no, college loans, and they often thank me for that. So now I just work the games that I want to work, high school, and Catholic middle school, games. No more youth recreation leagues, mens leagues, church leagues, travel games, summer games, AAU games, etc.

Let me start off by saying that I have truly enjoyed this post. Not all the back and forth, but rather everyone's situation. It has been one of the best posts I have ever read because everyone's situation and motivation are different.

I am sorry to hear that you had a rough go of it. Every official unfortunately goes through it because there are bad people out there in the world. It is super unfortunate, I wish no one would have to go through it.

What's interesting is all the "why" we do it. Some just love basketball, some like providing a fair contest, some like the workout, some like the $$$ (who doesn't though), and some like a hobby. I pretty much like to do it for all those reasons. At a middle school game last night with about 100 people in the gym. One of the middle schoolers (a fan) yelled, "Hey (visiting team).....YOU SUCK!" As a teacher by trade, this was not acceptable. I calmly walked over and told that section of quality people that if they would like to finish watching the game, then they better not say another negative word. Before I could even finish my pep talk, the principal, who is a great guy, was sitting right in the middle of them. Needless to say, most of them thought it wasn't very fun anymore and left. Sportsmanship is my number one priority, probably to a fault. Last night the visiting team kid was getting into it with the home team. I grabbed his jersey by the shoulder (not hard or anything), walked him over to coach and said, "I think you need a sub coach." Coach replied, "Couldn't agree more." He later said he appreciated that vs. the technical foul, ie preventive officiating.

OK, off my soap box. I wish you well. I hope you officiate again if you want to. I had a game from hell last year and almost hung it up, but am glad I didn't. I also have a 3 and 6 year old. They hug my legs when I go to work a game, but teaching does not pay the greatest (2k take home per month, btw that blows people's minds) and it helps with the holidays and such. I think I will scale it back when they start playing youth and middle school. I think I will attend every HS game, but pick up any varsity contest not on those nights to keep my game sharp.

Again, great post with great ideas,

pfan

Thanks, pfan. Really appreciate your thoughts.

I was actually talking to my wife last night. I think I'm really looking forward to just having this season off, especially now around Christmas time.

Next year, I really think when basketball season comes around I may pick up a Saturday or two or weeknight or two a month and do some Jr. High rec league ball. Just to stay into it and to get some exercise and see how I feel after doing that. Who knows.

Guys, don't make me lock this thread. Cause the lock is coming.

I appreciate you sharing with us...

but, "grabbing" a kid's jersey and "walking him" anywhere...

Hmmmmm....

Lock it up. ;)

Peace

Is this like the moderator equivalent of the stop sign?


:D:D:D

I don't use the stop sign. But, OK.

I don't touch players. I cringed at reading that one, I'll admit.

That's why the joke is so funny!

Most officials eventually get to the point where they know it's time to hang it up, be it age or just not enjoying it anymore. Everyone is different. I officiated basketball for 12 years and called it quits after last season; I umpired baseball in three different stretches over the years, working around my boys playing, and decided to hang that up after this last summer as well. I worked varsity games in both sports for many years. Why did I decide to quit? It just wasn't that much fun for me anymore; the travel, nights away from home, nasty coaches and fans just started to wear on me and I finally realized it wasn't something I wanted to do anymore. I have other interests that had been put on the back burner to some extent over those 12 years (fishing, playing in a band) and I was ready to do other things with my free time. Enjoyed most of my years on the court and diamond and loved having the opportunity to stay around the game, but I haven't missed it one bit this season and am enjoying my extra free time to spend with my family and on other pursuits.

It can be hard to walk away when you worked so hard to get to a certain level in officiating, but if it just isn't fun anymore there really isn't a good reason to keep doing it, because the money isn't that great. I worked an extra year or two after I had come to the conclusion that I was ready to hang up because I really hated to give up everything I had worked for and earned. I should have left earlier because my last season or two was a real grind for me and more like a job than a hobby. When it's time it's time.