Communicating with Coaches
 

My second year now done, I can reflect on where I need to make improvements.

While there are certainly more areas tan just this one, I think my communication with coaches can be greatly improved. Sample exchange from my 1st year:

Coach: (Caps indicate screaming) HOW WAS THAT A FOUL?!
Me: I saw number 24 foul, coach.
Coach: HOW?!
Me: He held his arm.
Coach: HE GOT ALL BALL!
Me: [silence, no eye contact w/ coach]
Coach: ...CAN YOU ANSWER ME THAT?
Me: You didn't ask a question.
Coach: WHERE WAS THE FOUL!?
Me: [moment of awkward silence, then screaming] I SAW WHAT I SAW COACH!
Coach: WELL YOU'RE A HORRIBLE REF!!
Me: THAT'S A 'T!'


Here's (close to) an actual conversation from this past year from a JV match:

Coach: HE DID'T FOUL HIM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING AT!
Me: Do you have a question, coach?
Coach: WHERE WAS THE FOUL!?
Me: He grabbed his arm, coach.
COACH: HE DID NOT!
Me: Look, the offensive player and your player, 34, were both facing me [I was lead in 2-man, opposite table-side]... meaning both players had there back to you. So you did not have the view that I did... I had a clear view of the play right in front of me, saw the grab and BLEW MY WHISTLE!
Coach: WELL THAT'S TERRIBLE... ARE YOU A JV REF OR VARSITY REF?
Me: [argumentative tone] Are you the head coach or the JV coach?
Coach: [glares at me]
Me: [silence, glancing at coach with raised eyebrows]
Coach: [trying to calm down] JV or Varsity?
Me: [trying to calm, but still sarcastic] I am licensed by the KHSAA to call any sanctioned game [our assignor] chooses to give me regardless of level.
Coach: [angry tone] Well your horrible.
Me: [angry tone] Unsportsmanlike. That's your 'T' Coach.


I later found it (sadly) ironic I was calling the Coach "Unsportsmanlike" in the tone I was using. Didn't change the fact he was, but was a poor reflection on me. While veteran officials can tell me certain things to say or not say - the one thing I noticed many of the top officials in my area do, is even if they are in an exchange with a coach where the 2 sides disagree, their tone is never, ever argumentative, never confrontational. In fact, I've seen a few argue with coaches while smiling. Example: [with almost happy tone] "Coach, I'm sorry I didn't see it that way [flashes smile]"

While I certainly can get better at communicating what I call - I can probably get better at how I say it too!

This is the hardest part for all of us. It takes more than a few years to get a good grasp of how to interact with a coach and different coaches bring different challenges.

If it was me, I probably would have told the coach to stop yelling at me. And I will answer any questions when he talks in a calmer tone. Often when you address the outrageous behavior first it gives you a chance to take control of the conversation and then get a calmer conversation.

That being said I think those conversations went on too long. You should have said what you had and moved on. And if the coach wanted to continue, just make it clear we will just have to agree to disagree or something like that. Some people say, "Well coach I am telling you how I saw it, you might have seen it differently." Remember they have an interest and it would be a first that we change a call because they think we missed something in these conversations. ;)

Peace

As long as you recognize that you need to improve you're winning 1/2 the battle.

I have no problem with some of your comments to the coach b/c I for one am tired of having to show deference to someone who is being an a$$-hole. So I just choose to stay away from the coaches as much as possible. My own communication with coaches still has a long way to go.

I totally agree with that part. I think the more we deal with total a-holes we figure out to just leave them alone. And that takes time and sometimes talking with other officials to know it is not just "us" that guy was a jerk with.

Peace

at this point, your response is "I already answered that question, coach. Let's play ball"
Never, EVER scream at a coach. Makes you look terrible. Rise above it. If you calmly say what you screamed, you look like you're above the fray.
Hopefully it doesn't get to this point, but if it does, remove off "THAT's a 'T'" yell, replace it with a calm "TWEET. Technical foul Red Coach." Then move away to the other side of the gym.




Replace the "BLEW MY WHISTLE" with "made the call", and I think you're ok here, although you might try to shorten this up with to "I had a great angle, saw the hold, and made the call"

Try this on for size:
Coach: WELL THAT'S TERRIBLE... ARE YOU A JV REF OR VARSITY REF?
Me: [neutral tone] That's enough, coach. or Don't go there, coach. (alternately, you could to to a T right away if he's been a problem child earlier in the game). Then, walk away. Hopefully, then none of the rest of the conversation happens... but if it does happen at a distance, time to serve some T.
Coach: [glares at me]
Me: [silence, glancing at coach with raised eyebrows]
Coach: [trying to calm down] JV or Varsity?
Me: [trying to calm, but still sarcastic] I am licensed by the KHSAA to call any sanctioned game [our assignor] chooses to give me regardless of level.

Remove the angry tone, and go with the "TWEET. Techincal foul, Red coach." that I referenced above.

Consider an alternative approach:

Coach: HE DIDN'T FOUL HIM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING AT!
You: Coach, I'll be happy to discuss it with you if you can lower your voice.

Crucial first step is to lower the volume. At that point either he will or won't. If he won't, tell him that's enough, then whack him. If he will, then:

Coach: OK, tell me how that was a foul.
You: Well, coach, what did you see?
Coach: I didn't see a foul!!
You: Sure, but what DID you see?

Here, you invite the coach to have his say, which is (or should be) what he's really after anyway. It also gives you a moment to collect your thoughts and review the play in your mind. Again, either he'll take advantage of this opportunity, or not. If not, then move along with the game. If so, then:

Coach: My guy was straight up and down.
You: OK, from my angle he brought his arms down into the shooter, then lifted them back up again.

At this point, you've both had your say. Time to close it down and move along.

Coach: He did not!/That's not what happened!/No way!
You: Coach if it happened your way then I missed it. Now we're going to get back to the game.

Following an approach like this allows you to remain respectful, gives the coach his say, but moves the game along at a reasonable pace. If it breaks down, warn in an even tone, "that's enough" (never: "not another word!" which almost always backfires). Then whack. If he gets personal, whack immediately.

Remember, you've brought a gun to a knife fight. :)

I try not to engage them unless they ask me a question. Comments are ignored unless they cross the line or if he becomes persistent. When I've answered their question once and they keep repeating themselves, I will just give them an "Okay" and not my head, or tell them it is time to move on and that I'm done discussing the play. That puts the ball in their court and they can choose how to handle it from there.

I had two or three instances this season where I really didn't see a play very well and the coach was persistent. I just told him I didn't see it and it's very possible I missed it. You can't do that several times a game, but most of them that are fair will appreciate the honesty.

I've given up on trying to prepare statements to use on coaches. My experience is that the noisy complainers don't care what you say so my comments to them are short and over. If a coach wants to have a legitimate conversation, I have one with him.

I've also found "you may have a point", "I may have missed that one", "if it happened as you say then I missed it" and other conceding statements do little to relieve the headache.

I've never tried, "we will have to agree to disagree and move on." I have used, "absolutely a foul (or no foul) coach." and then I move on.

I have used the latter several times too. I just want the conversation to end. I really do not care how it happens.

Peace

Coaches call that "being unapproachable," and often hold such officials in low(er) regard. Many officials don't care, and this point will fail to move them.

You can give a coach his say without being a pushover and without permitting him to be an a$$hat. It's not an either/or situation. Finding the right balance is a real art, but it distinguishes the best officials, IMO.

I don't agree with this at all.

I think it is really great you are working on this. The reality is that if you want to move up and get better games, you have to be able to communicate successfully with coaches. If you can't it will inhibit your progression. The top officials are almost always better communicators, problem-solvers... good skills in these areas can overcome average play-calling ability.

My feedback from Conversation #1:

You have to de-escalate the tension in the conversation. If a coach is yelling then before dialog can occur we need to reduce the volume to conversational. "Coach stop yelling at me." "Coach, I am happy to talk to you but not if you are yelling." Be professional, but if you approach a coach and he continues to yell, then back away. What we want to avoid is a coach yelling because we won't listen to him or are too far away. Sometimes you just need to stay away from a situation and with experience you will get a feel of when you should/shouldn't communicate with a coach.

I do not see why you need to get the last word "that's a T" in. This is only going to make a bad situation worse. A tech. should be called with the same emotion or even calmer than a regular call.

Conversation #2:

I would just say coach, "I saw a foul. The kid was hit on the arm." If he disagrees then say "I saw it differently" or "we will have to agree to disagree then." Getting into a verbal pissing match over JV or varsity coach is not good. He may feel like you are big-timing him if he is the JV coach. Remember that today's JV coach is tomorrow's varsity coach.

Keep working at it.

And if they do, Who cares!!! I will be around or have been around longer than they will. I have even told coaches "I will stop talking to you until you have something more repectful to say."

We worry way too much about what coaches think. And I say that with coaches and a ratings system they are involved in my state.

Peace

Problem is that often these coaches forget that today's JV official is tomorrow Varsity official. Sometimes literally.

The way a coach talks to me shows what kind of regard he has for me. If he's being an a$$-hole in my game I don't care what he thinks about me tomorrow. He's going to correct his behavior today. If a coach wants an official to be approachable than that coach needs to be respectful. I've dealt with plenty of coaches who understand this and are successful coaches. I know in my 5 seasons of college games I have yet to come across a HC who turns into a douchebag, no matter how unhappy they may be. They have learned to get their points across and even earn some T's without crossing that line of being personally disrespectful.


This I agree with.

This is very close to my belief and I too come from a rating system that until this year was 100% coaches' rating. This year it is 50%.

I prefer to say, I think we worry too much about trying to manipulate an amicable solution to every situation a coach throws at us. Call a good game, be respectful. The rest will work itself out.

+1

We will never win in a confrontation with a Coach. It doesn't matter how far across the line he/she goes - what the tape will show is our bad behavior back.

Friend of mine put it this way to me a few years ago - "Never get into a pissing match with a Coach. They will always be bigger pissers than we are."
(RIP Jurassic)

Pure gold

At least you're learning :) As time goes on you'll realize fewer words are better because, try as we might, we're not going to make some coaches happy and that's not our job anyway.

Just my $0.02 but...In scenario #1 after "How was that a foul?!" if you just stopped at "Coach, he held his arm" it might have ended there. If he goes on in the way you say he did, I stop talking. He'll get the idea.

In scenario #2, I probably don't say a word to him after his first comment unless he's acted out before. In that case he may get "Coach, that's enough." If he actually got to the "where was the foul?" question then sure, tell him #34 grabbed his arm. Don't even bother with the extended explanation since he doesn't want to hear it anyway. The question about what level you work should shut down any conversation with him for the rest of the game and, in IMO, at least an official warning. Engaging with crazy can only lead to more crazy.

As others have said, there's no need for this last comment.

IF, you address his first yell, it's by telling him to calm down. "Coach, if you have a question, then ask it appropriately. Don't try to coach me."

If he continues to scream at you, T time.

By the time you got to the T, you'd allowed yourself to get too emotional. Shut him down or T him sooner, before you get to that point.

Again, no need for this last comment. Blow your whistle, talk to your partner, and report the T to the table. You have no need to tell the coach anything. There's no point.

Other than you're elongated explanation, this isn't so bad up to the point where I would have called the T. In this conversation, at that volume, I'm highly unlikely to respond anyway but a T to this. I certainly wouldn't have asked him your follow-up question. This is where you fell into his trap.

On the court, coach. ;)

I've actually said that.

Proverbs 23:9 Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words.
I have this on the wall, above my computer, where I check my game assignments, each day. It's especially useful on days that I will be officiating AAU games . . .:)

Literally.

If the coach wants to argue judgement, the conversation is over.

After he asks "How was that a foul?" or "Where's the foul?", answer much as you did..."#34 grabbed the shooter's arm, coach."

After that, there will be no more discussion about judgement. Further comments such as "Oh, he did not!" or "He got all ball!" are then basically ignored. If he keeps it up, a simple statement like "I'm not going to discuss judgement with you coach, that's enough" is warranted. You have now issued the warning, allowed him to vent, and we move on. Next step is the T if needed.

As was previously said, you need to keep you emotions in check, we as officials need to rise above the level of the coach. Easy to say, but hard to do.

Keep working on it...communication is a skill that can advance your officiating career.

"Coach I saw it differently"...then move on

And coaches still will argue with that comment. It really does not matter what you say if a coach wants to have a bug up their behinds about something and do not understand common sense. If they did understand common sense, they would not ask the stupid questions they do when you clearly made a call.

Peace

http://i910.photobucket.com/albums/ac302/dhs77/ROFL.gif

So true...

Someone talked recently about Verbal Judo. Been reading it and loving it. It has been helping me with a Bipolar kid and it has been helping me a lot with coaches and players.

Big part of it is not to take anything personally. They dont understand our training and why we call the game the way we do. Or they are trying to show their teammates or players they are fighting for them. If you know you are doing a good job or/and got the play right dont let them get in your head.

Is it really bad to if the coach is yelling to go straight to the hand and say that is enough. Clearly they are out of control and need to understand we are not going to have them yell at us period.

Whomever suggested the book.. thanks its the best $16 bucks I have spent in some time.

I'll "+1" that book as well. It really does help you understand why the other side (coaches) act the way that they do, and it gives you some pointers as to how to bring them back down to a reasonable level. I've read it twice this season, and plan on reading it once more before next season begins. Good stuff in that book.

Over the years as I matured...some argue I still haven't...this is the approach I most often take unless they don't offer me the opportunity to get to this point. I have no problem with saying "Not saying I haven't missed a call in my life but I saw X so that is what we are going with." 90% of the coaches I have encountered will drop it or at least begin to cool down after this. I think many of our compadres that refuse to admit error cause coaches to look at us like we think we are above the game.

A$$hat coaches call any official who won't stand there and take a bunch of whining and complaining as being unapproachable.

True enough, and they're wrong in their conception of what 'unapproachable' means.

That's not a reason to be unapproachable. ;)

I think the point is we need to stop listening to coaches about what we should or should not do.

Peace

Exchange during post season
 

I call a fifth foul on a player in a close game. As I am reporting, I can hear coach start the questioning. The table tells me it is the players 5th foul. The following is almost verbatim what happened next.

Me: "Coach, 5 fouls on player X"

Coach: "Just tell me what he did."

Me: Take a couple of steps back toward the table and say, "Start the timer." Then turn and walk back to coach.

Coach: "He had 4 fouls he was going away from the shooter."

Horn Sounds

Me: "Coach you have :15 to sub someone."

At this point the coach gets a sub in the game and we move on. I never once responded to what he was saying or asking and when it was over, we were both happy. He obviously did not want an answer to his question. He wanted to voice his opinion and displeasure and I wanted to move on. We both got what we wanted and neither of acted like an idiot. :) Love it when that happens.

That might be your point. I don't think it was Rich's, and if it was, he's incorrect.

We need to listen to anyone's reasonable requests.

Well that is not what the conversation was about or Rich's comments seemed to be based on. I am sure he can speak for himself, but if you have a coach being an a$$ all the time about every other call, no you do not have to listen to any of their requests from my point of view. And there comes a time when requests are certainly not reasonable or when given an answer there is an interrpution or the answer is not going to be accepted. And you can say that is wrong, but that is your opinion and you have the right to stick to that, but that does not apply to everyone. I do not care what coaches think for the most part and I feel it is a waste of time to think that heavily about their thoughts. It is not how I officiate and certainly not a major concern of mine if they think I am unapproachable. I have a job to do and that is to officiate, not answer every question they have. And what some consider reasonable is also subjective. Because if every play you are asking a question as to why you called something or telling me what I called, that is not being reasonable in my eyes.

Peace

I've forgotten my point.

However, I will say this -- there's a point beyond which I will stop listening and answering questions, no matter how reasonable. It takes quite a lot to get me there, but it happens once or twice a season.

I had a small college game in which my partner had T'd up the home coach. Then later on my partner tried to give an ear to the coach on a different play and it turned into a long, drawn out dialogue. So a little while later home coach catches me when I'm Trail on free throws. He says "can I ask you a question". I responded "no, you lost that privilege" and walked away from him.

I thought it was just me that said that. :D

Peace

+1

+1000