"Verbal Judo"
 

I am reading the book and loving it. Not brilliant enough to take the examples yet and figure out how apply them to coaches. The bane of our existence and yet if we can handle them we go up the ladder faster.

First question has anyone read and applied its principles to refereeing, especially coaches?

Is there any general advice for these thorns in my side from coaches.

BTW some recent advice here worked wonders Tuesday. The foul count is 6 to 3. Coach has let me know 2-3 times. At the next TO. "Coach I am not going to listen to a foul count discussion any more tonight" And sure enough there was no more chirping about the foul count. Thanks for that.

Other favorites I am having a hard time dealing with.

"Thats a foul!!" Some advice is "Coach did you hear the whistle?"

This is probably too confrontational.

Any advice on non-confrontational responses to "Thats a foul!!"

Another one is "Traveling!!" Do we say "Coach we will look for it"

Another one is "You have to call that! (traveling, foul, other violation).

Just ignore him and wait until you get a chance to ask what he saw?

I am by personality a communicator, passionate and feel I do a decent job. I am working at becoming more relaxed, less stressed and moved by an idiot yelling at me. I want to have practiced seasoned veteran like responses prepared for these typical situations. Lately its been "Ok, coach" and just be calm. If you have any advice it would be appreciated. Coaches can only say so many things. I would like to have some things that fit me and work well without looking like a wimp or looking confrontational.

If the coach says the fouls are 6-3, just tell him this, "Then tell your kids to quit foulin'" That seems to work

You have already missed 1 opportunity to tell him to knock it off, and 1-2 technical fouls.

Yeah ... should have said it after the very first time he went there though.

Ignore. If you address every single one of these, your jaw will be sore before the end of the game. Ignore until he's gone to far (in your book), then "Coach that's enough" or somesuch.

At what point do you engage a yelling coach? And how do you take care of it. I feel if I am yelling back it gives him an excuse to continue the conversation. If I ignore it until a TO he could escalate it or be testing me?

If a coach yells at you do you simply put up the warning hand or do you add word(s) to your hand signal.

I want to work hard and focus on the kids (game). It is distracting and I cant figure out why the coach thinks yelling during a live ball is going to help. Yet they do it all the time. I guess I am looking for advice in the heat of the moment how best to settle or take care of things.

Do you ignore him?
Do you go to your hand signal warning pretty quick?
Do you yell back at him?
Do you want until a dead ball to talk to him?
Do you stop a ball from going live and walk over and say what do you need that you cant wait for a TO?

Just kills me during a live ball to have a coach yell at you. How properly to defend or to resolve.

I ignore every single instance of "That's a travel!". Mainly because it's not a question. BUT, if an assistant is the one that's saying it repeatedly, I will use it as an opportunity for a quick bonding chat between me and he/she.

"Coach, help me out. I welcome your questions about specific situations and plays, but will not respond to comments or questions about our judgement from your bench personnel. OK?"

I've never had a HC look at me sideways when saying that and I ALWAYS get a yes or an affirmative head nod.

It's a great chance to adress the coach, be firm and clear up the issue.

I saw the contact, but it didn't rise to the level of a foul.

I saw the contact, but your player initiated it.

I saw the contact but the defender was legal.


The right foot was the pivot and stayed down.

Ugly, but not a travel.

Legal jump stop.

(All the above assuming it's a periodic comment and not an on-going complaint / comment on every call.)

I like that a lot. Going to memorize it.

Under most circumstances, I give the coach some rope. Meaning, he's upset. I get it. He's battling for his kids. IF I sense that that is all he's doing, then I know he's really got a question and I'll ask him what his question is. IF that calms him down (and it usually does) then we move on. IF he just wants to scream and yell some more and get personal or leave the coaching box, I have the option of giving the Big Stop Sign for all to see OR I go with the WHACK.

You'll develop a feel for it as you try this technique out at lower levels. Which is a great reason to work lower level ball. Work on your communication skills, try stuff. Then put it into practice in your varsity games. There's no one size fits all solution. Everyone's different. But, personal always equals a T in my book. Raw emotion is a fun challenge. Psychology of a coach. :)

Good stuff Bob, thanks!

I REALLY like these. Simple and to the point.

Big T - you can ignore a coach on pretty much all comments. You should judge when a line has been crossed.

If he asks a question, and its legit and you have an opportunity, try and respond. Keep it brief and basketball only. Only speak in fact, no "I think I saw that."

You really have to feel what's right for you and no one here can tell you when and where you should address a coach. It's different for everyone and 2 officials can have the same coach, same comment and respond with the same phrase and get a different reaction.

Treat them like any other person (adult or child) and sometimes you need to punish them like a kid (because they can act like it).

Always Listen To bob ...
 

Always mention which foot, right, or left, was the pivot foot. It seems to calm down most coaches. Don't know why. It just does.

Good stuff man. Thanks.

"Coach - that's what happens when you don't buy foul insurance." :cool:

[QUOTE=BigT;881218]I am reading the book and loving it. Not brilliant enough to take the examples yet and figure out how apply them to coaches. The bane of our existence and yet if we can handle them we go up the ladder faster.

That is an awesome book and so helpful in many situations. Not sure why you are struggling but try the section on re-framing the question, the like pretty much every other person when that is used will just give up.