Approached and berated by two parents
 

Tonight I did two 7th grade girls game. Started with the "B" teams and the home team was crushed by the visitors. I messed up when reporting a number of the visiting team and the girl ended up fouling out.

In between the games (same coaches for both games), I apologized to the visiting coach for messing up. Jokingly I said, "That was the only bad call I had though." She agreed that was the only missed call and told me that we have been by far the best referees they have had all year. As a first year official (100+ games at the scoring table), this sorta made my night. The home coach also said we were doing a fantastic job.

And then the "A" game began. The visiting team took a lead for most of the first half. Visiting coach was barking about the point guard pushing off, we warned the girl and she stopped. The visiting team was more aggressive and didn't play in control which led to bonus and then double bonus (17 fouls in the second half). The home team takes the lead on all of their free throw attempts. With 3 or so minutes left, I am the lead on the baseline watching a visiting shot attempt with four girls going for the rebound, behind them a visiting player hits the ground HARD. I of course didn't see a thing since I was blocked by four girls going up for the rebound, my partner had no call. The coach then lost it. I calmly went over to her and explained that I had four girls between me and the "foul". She kept yelling, I warned her and explained that if she kept it up that it would be a technical foul. She stopped. The visitors kept fouling up until the last play, in fact, with a 10 deficit and only seconds left the visiting coach tells her girl to foul and her player gives the home player a tiny bump. I call it because I don't want her to hammer the home player. The visiting coach then argues my call....hilarious.

Game over, my partner and I are putting our street shoes on behind the benches, but on the total opposite side of where the fans sit. I am all set to drive home feeling great about the game and then two parents ask for my name and my officiating number because they are going to report us to the WIAA for how lousy of a job we did. I said, "No thank you," grabbed my duffel bag and headed to the exit. All the while they are in my ear about how terrible we are, how we should turn our whistles in, and how we can't threaten the coach with a technical about the fans (I assume he was talking about my little chat about her calming down). The principal of the middle school was by the door of the gymnasium and I told with a smile :) him that he probably wants to speak to these two gentlemen.

Got in my car, and thought, "Hmmmm, 7th grade girls basketball? You're going to get that worked up about 7th grade girls basketball?" I chuckled to myself as I drove home knowing that we provided a fair and exciting game.

I guess, what are your thoughts about my night? Game management probably should have done a better job of intercepting these two, but they could just be going to talk to their daughters. Do I call anyone? The home AD, visiting AD, principal of the middle school?

Any advice or comments are welcome, thanks,

pfan

I will never understand why officials are not given a place to dress even if it is a storage room. You should be somewhere that you can go and privately wind down and be out of the way of the fans. That to me is what partly caused this problem. Now either that was not provided or you did not demand that kind of treatment. Some times these are not the standard, but that is why I pass on many of these games. It is not worth having a confrontation IMO.

Without knowing things like who assigns the game or if their is some governing body that overseas these contest like a Conference Supervisor or some state group (not likely for this level) then at best you can contact them. Otherwise try to make sure that you are protected by going to a room separate from the floor. If anything it gives you the opportunity to not get a cheap shot.

Peace

Agreed on the dressing area. That eliminates the post-game confrontation...unless the parents do something really dumb and hang out afterwards. Sounds as though you did a nice job getting out of the situation. Give a call to your assignor and that should start the ball rolling.

Word of advice on handling the coach: Just say "Coach, that's enough" or something similar and let your partner know you've warned him/her. The coach should understand that the next thing on the menu after "that's enough" is a T. Getting into "if you...then..." conversations can cause more harm than good sometimes.

My experience and thoughts.
 

I think you handled the situation well. The one thing I would add is that you should contact the administration at the school these gentlemen were from. I had a similar situation once during a MS "B" team game (in Michigan).

It was a fairly tight game and I called a foul on a visiting team player (push or a block), which is her fourth personal foul. This was not a bonus situation, so I get ready to bounce the ball to the inbounder when I hear a male fan (parent of the girl who committed the foul) yell at me then yell "Next time foul her hard". Unfortunately a few seconds later the same young lady is the only defender back on defense during a fast break. She immediately extends the arms and gives the offensive player a two hand shove to the ground as she attempts a lay-up. I mentally debated for a second do I call this an intentional or flagrant foul (only time I've come close to calling a flagrant in close to 15 years of officiating).

Knowing this is the young ladies 5th personal, and thus a disqualifying foul I only call it intentional. I report the foul and here the same parent cheering about how tough his daughter was. Luckily the girl who was fouled was not injured on the play.

After the game the same idiot followed myself and my parenter (a young lady that was 5-0 and maybe 100 lbs.) out to our cars, yelling at us the entire time. My next stopped was to officiate a high school swim meet at the districts high school, so I talked with the AD of the host school then. He suggested I contacted the visiting AD, which I did. The parent was suspended from attending any athletic event in the district for the rest of the school year.

The host school had video in the gym, and they helped the visiting school identify who the idiot was.

My take on why I called it the way I did. First, this parent obviously had serious issues, and his daughter has to go home to that. I called it intentional in part because of her. If I had tossed her from the game I didn't know what the parent might due to her if he was this unstable at the game. The penalty would be the same, 2 shots and possession. The player would still be done for the game (5th personal vs flagrant ejection). The only difference was that she would not be subject to a 1 game suspension for being ejected.

chapmaja, regardless of what foul you called on the player, she would be disqualified, not ejected. There's a difference, and terminology is important. So she would've been spared the misery of her father until afterward -- no matter the call.

pfan1981, parents are insane. They are absolutely INSANE. Never lose sight of that (shouldn't be hard). If a player gets hurt, it has to be the result of a foul -- that's their logic. Never try to figure out what parents are incensed about -- they don't know what you know (the rules). Sounds like you handled it well.

I'm assuming the WIAA is the Washington Interscholastic Athletic Association? What jurisdiction could that body possibly have over 7th grade girls basketball? And do you really have an "officiating number"? Is that a thing? These are just curiosities of mine.

As for your sitch, we've all been there. It's part of the gig. Fun, huh?

Not that it matters but the UIL in Texas oversees middle school sports for public schools. Not every place is the same.

Hopefully this is a lesson in not dawdling around after the game. Whether it is straight to your car or to the locker room, get out of the gym without delay. We had an official here in Houston get assaulted last year by a fan after a middle school game. He was changing his shoes in the gym when he was sucker punched.

Advice, keep moving, no matter what you say, it won't change their mind set.

I had a place to change and when I walked out the door of the school, there was the parent of a player that I had called the 5th foul on and his team lost.

It was all my fault. Keep moving. Don't stand and have a conversation.

WIAA stands for Wisconsin and they do not sanction middle school athletics. I wish there was some video of the game and instance, but there is not. I will talk to the building janitor and just change in the storage area from now on. My only thoughts are that I only change my shoes for middle school games since I don't shower afterwards so these two scholars would still be in the gym.

This situation is laughable, but still wears on me and is unfortunate. The crazy part about the whole thing was to get such high praise one minute and have this happen the next. I really think the visiting coach still thinks we did a great job deep down inside and was more frustrated with her players.

The coolest part I forgot to include was the home coach yelled over to the visiting coach, "She just admitted that she tripped and fell on her own and wasn't fouled."

Pfan

In our area officials are either provided with a room they can use as their or the AD must give up their office. Generally there is a store room with some chairs set up or an open gym teachers office or change room.

My advice, and take it FWIW, never alter the way you call a game based on unknown factors off the court. That's over thinking it, big time.

What's in a name?
 

Always have a "stage" name ready for these clowns for after a game. Pick a great sounding one like Ron Mexico or Richard Strong...for fun you could even go with a fellow member of the Forum, or use some top dog like Teddy Valentine or Brian Kersey. Love to see the look and hear the laugh from your assignor or commish when he gets a call or face to face from some unknowing (regardless of what they say they know) 7th grade parent wanting to complain about a final four official!:D

Never underestimate the potential for overzealous parents at any level/age of basketball. I've had far more situations arise in youth ball than anything at the high school level. I hate to generalize but I think it's worse with the girls games as mom and dad don't like little Suzy to get bumped or banged at all even when the contact is incidental.

gawl dang it, I was fouled!!
 

Also, I will put some adult "church" rec league folks in that category. I guess the ones that understand the rules the least, sometimes complain the most.

Another WI ref
 

Yes, the WIAA does give an officiating number to all officials, I actually assumed that was standard practice everywhere. Almost all grade school leagues follow WIAA rules, not surprised that the parent thought that reporting a ref to the WIAA would actually mean something (it wouldn't).

2 things you really need to quit worrying about. Just worry about whether or not your assignor/supervisor is or would be happy with the job you did.

We have an Elementary School Association on our state and they follow all the NF Rules for the most part with some modifications, but we also have an IHSA number. I would never give that number to anyone outside of an IHSA contest and would not give it to them after the game. It is listed where it needs to be and that would be in the book or the website. I would never volunteer that information no matter who that person is asking.

Peace

My only advice to you is to keep communications between you and a coach to a minimum and only the facts. Saying things like, "That was the only bad call I had though." can only lead to trouble and tension.

Also, like it was said before, a simple, "I've heard enough." is sufficient. You don't need the extra verbiage, "..Or else it's a T." Unless you plan on turning around and mimicking rotating your revolvers on your fingers and putting them back in your holster. Then I would encourage this method, and please video it.

1) If a coach tells you you did a great job, and you believe them and feel better about yourself... then you have to believe them when they tell you that you suck. Don't put any weight behind praise that a coach gives you.

2) I always keep a large shirt in my bag. If we don't have a place to change, I put it on over my ref shirt, and get the hello out of there (with my partner, of course). Change in the car if you have to, but as Commander Kruge said, "GET OUT OF THERE!!!!" before the starship blows up.

3) I too use the fake name thing - sometimes it diffuses the person asking.

Have had this happen before with parents walking over to table, usually after some AAU games

Steve Welmer and Jim Burr are usual names given out

You may want to alert the assignor... let them handle following up with the school. Unfortunately this happens... My advice would be to ignore it and move on.

The old high school group used to print out business cards that had information on how to join the association. The purpose was to hand them to fans who are obviously officiating "experts." I never actually did it, but always thought it was funny.

That's pretty funny. Just thinking about how that would look made me laugh. :D

When asked, I respond by saying, "Joey Crawford"

"Sorry sir. I'm not allowed to give out my name. It's part of my witness protection agreement."

Dewey Cheatham & Andy Howe would be a good partnership

You could always ask that parent/fan for their Social Security number - tell them you want to call and open up a credit card account in their honor on the way home.

If I was feeling particularly malicious, I'd probably give them the name and number of an official I used to work with that features prominently in a video on YouTube.

For all the ones suggesting fake names, I am just not sure I would be able to do it with a straight face. Give them some NBA or Final Four official's name and I know I'd crack a smile...

Honestly, I prefer to just direct them to the league director. If they don't know how to contact that person, they can talk to their kids' coach. I can appreciate the fun, however, in giving either fake or stolen names. I just would rather do it professionally, and not have to explain my sense of humor to my assigner when he calls asking why I told a parent my name was Bruce Banner.

My question is why would anyone even entertain a phone call or email from someone that is not associated directly with the school or the athletic program. I agree about giving a fake name, but no one has the right to know who I am if they are not with the school or in some supervisory role with athletics or running the school.

While that may be true where you live, it's not true everywhere.

In NC, a player can be ejected for 5 different acts. An ejection differs from a disqualification in that the player will receive a suspension from the NCHSAA, dependent upon the sport and the reason for ejection.

So, you believed her when she said you were doing a great job but didn't believe her when she basically said you sucked? Do you see the paradox?

Remember this. If you're going to believe them when they tell you how great you are, then you have to listen when they tell you how much you suck. My advice? Take both with a grain of salt as neither means much.

There are a couple more options dealing with parents.

Totally ignore them. Act as though you don't even hear them. Or, at most, give them a quizzical "What's that you're saying?" look.

Give them your real name. What's the big deal? Around here everybody just about knows everybody anyway, especially at the jr. high level.

"You are gonna report me? Seriously? Good luck with that."

Norm ???
 

Cheers?

Well they don't around here. Most coaches don't even know my name unless they just looked it up on Arbiter before a game.

Not the case around here. Half the time they think you are someone else. And the big deal is I am not giving some random person my name and you are nobody in the pecking order.

Peace

How big (or small) of a community do you work in? :confused: