Tips for talking to a coach?
 

I worked a game tonight. I called a foul on team A, and reported it. As I settled into my trail position, an assistant coach of team B asked, "are you going to call that on both ends?? It's happening to us too!!" I calmly responded "I hear you coach." Later in the game, during a timeout, the same assistant came up to me and said "You said you were going to call [that foul] both ways, but you are not. Why not?" I told then man, "Coach, I said 'I hear you', not 'I will call it on both end'". He clearly misconstrued my acknowledgement of his thoughts as an agreement for me to give his team a call on the other end.

I feel that my saying "I hear you coach" is a good, standard answer to give a coach when he says something like that. I have heard from veterans that you don't have to agree, but allow to coach to express his opinion and then acknowledge what he said.

Is my thinking wrong? Should I have simply ignored the coach the first time? How can I say things better so the coach does not think that I have agreed to give him a call?

Is my thinking wrong?
No, your thinking is appropriate.

Should I have simply ignored the coach the first time?
Definitely ignore the AC, I would even turn and address the HC, I don't need to hear from his bench, or issue a bench warning for the AC.

How can I say things better so the coach does not think that I have agreed to give him a call?
Don't address the AC; telling the HC, when he states, I hear you and thank him. Be nice and when it is time to take out the trash, be nice!

I feel (and have been taught) that part of my job as an official is to let the coach rant a little, respectfully and within reason. My rationale for this is that I am paid to keep a level head throughout the game. I am paid for my judgement and knowledge, and have to deal with coaches disagreeing with my judgement. I have no problem taking a complaint from a coach: I am mature enough to handle his disagreement. When the coach wants to tell me his thoughts, I let him, and move on. I think it is part of my job to absorb the negativity swirling around the game, because I can handle it. The coaches fly off the handle due to their passion, but I am paid to not wear my passion on my sleeve. What do you think about this philosophy?

This was not the coach though (HC) this was an AC. They are bench personnel only and as said before I would be addressing it with the HC or a warning. HC can do some ranting, AC can sit there and be quiet.

Even during a timeout? Does it matter if I am ok with it and let it slide? How do I tell the assistant? "Sorry sir, I only speak to the head coach" sounds a little pretentious...

EDIT: I realize now the first two questions above are non-negotiable rules.

First time = ignore him.

Second time = Say to the head coach, "Coach, remind your assistant I'm only speaking with you."

Now, I say this fully aware there are few "never" or "always" situations but if an assistant is asking me whether I'm going to call something, s/he's being ignored. If s/he keeps asking, the only way I'm directly acknowledging them is with a T.

Even during a timeout.

No, the point is you should NOT be okay with it.

If he asks you "Where will the ball be inbounded?" that's one thing. But an assistant complaining about something should NOT be tolerated.

Then don't say that. The first time the assistant coach spoke, I would probably have ignored him or said, "Coach, you need to focus on your team."

The second time, address the head coach concerning his asst. "Coach, your asst. needs to focus in your team. If you have a question, we can talk."

If you allow an assistant coaches to start chirping, what are you going to do when there's a second or third assistant? Now you've got the whole chirping. If you continue to allow assistants to speak to you like this, the situation will only deteriorate. It will not get better.

That's why we communicate with the head coach.

In your situation, why are having a conversation with an Assistant Coach. In your situation, there is only one way for an Assistant Coach to conduct himself: be like a child and be seen not heard.

That said, I will talk with ACs with regard to where the ball is going to be inbounded after a TO and other mundane items, but I will not tolerate an AC complain about the officiating and even a HC gets a short lease on that subject matter. When the AC came to you the second time, that is the time to shut him down and request that the HC take care of his bench personnel.

MTD, Sr.

I think it's fine if we're talking about the head coach, who has the historical right to talk to officials. The assistants? Not so much. On the first one, I'd politely tell the assistant that I'll be happy to talk to the head guy anytime (and then get away from the assistant).

On the second one, I'd probably tell the head coach to control his bench. There usually isn't a third time -- or we're shooting free throws.

(I answered this without reading the subsequent responses that, essentially, said the same thing.)

"Sorry coach, I can't talk with you. I left my English - Jibberish dictionary at home." :p