Juulie and I were so bored during our games last night, we decided to come up with a contest. OK, to be fair, she had nothing to do with it, but I didn't want to take all the credit.

The winner will have the funniest ending to this joke:

"How many coaches does it take to put in a light bulb?"

Notice I didn't say "screw in a light bulb" because I wanted to keep the responses relatively clean.

Juulie and I will be the judges. In case of a tie, I get two votes. ;) The winner gets a Bobby Knight pinata. The runner up gets a free copy of the book "Anger Management - What's Up With That?" by Rasheed Wallace.

OK - there's really no prizes, but I thought that sounded funny.

Don't need to; they're very comfortable in the dark.

Three! Three! Three! He's in there all day! Three!! Four!!! Five!!!!

submission #2:

Q: How many coaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.

Q: How many coaches does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: We have no official comment until the NCAA reviews the case . . .

It never occurs to the coach to change the light bulb. He just stands there in the dark yelling "I guess you didn't see that, either!" over and over.

I think this is covered in 10-9 somewhere.

If the state uses the coaching box only the head coach can remain standing to change the bulb.

However the assistant may rise spontaneously to flip the switch
then return to the bench.

Mark -- I think we should wait until next Tues or Wed to choose a winner, just to give everyone a chance (especially people who only read the board on company time!).

Trick question. None of the coaches would have ever read the instruction manual on putting light bulbs in.

Z

I agree. Let's make the cut off Wednesday, July 2 at 9:30 pm Pacific time. I should just be getting home from my "Dave game" with Beavis the Wonder Jerk.

BTW - I like the responses so far.

Shame on you for starting this thread. Now all of the coaches that own a rule book (both of them) have worn the index out looking for "light bulb".

two--one to do it and one to be "over his back"

Just one; especially if he gives the light bulb a bad rating after a loss.

It doesn't really matter. Even if the light is on, nobody's home! :D

One. But you can bet your bottom dollar that the coach will take as much time as possible selecting a "substitute" for the bulb that has burnt out...

I mentioned this to my son, Josh, and he said "It doesn't matter how many try - they'll never figure it out".

And no - he's not in the contest. It wouldn't be fair for me to award him the victory based on the theory of relativity.

Groan! :D

Dang, I didn't realize there was a contest! So here's my response from another post:

Hey, we don't change light bulbs. But we sure can tell referees how to do it, because we're experts on the subject.

By the way, I heard the grand prize was a Billy Martin memorial scholarship to Mike Tyson's School of Couth.

NBA rules. One, if his karma is really good or if he's got bad karma but the game is on national TV. Two under any other scenario, one to kiss the star player's a** and an assistant to actually get the job done. Note, if it's the Wizzards, no coach has yet learned to change a bulb and they remain in the dark.

NF Rules:
Four coaches get involved.

One to take the T to make a point that the light is out. OKAY, he can't do it 'cause he's either stuck in the box or gone with a second T for continuing to yell that the light is out.

One to yell at the players for not running the "Change the Light" play correctly.

One to yell at his players because the opponents have been shooting the lights out all game.

One to get an opponent's player to "travel" to the light fixture then get on somebody's back to fix it (The opponents have been traveling and going "over the back" all game, so that shouldn't be hard.)

And finally, the team manager quietly to go about the business of getting the light changed.

The coach must first confer with the most knowledgeable man in basketball today, Bill Walton. "Yes, the bulb must be changed. The lighting is hooorrible."

Coaches don't change light bulbs. They just watch the officials take care of it and tell them that they aren't doing it right.

One and he wont need a ladder because the ceillings are so low in the locker room after he gets his second "T"

The answer
 

One, the coach holds the lightbulb still and the world revolves around him.

None, The coach makes up some crazy jumping drill, tells his players it will increase their vertical, and then has the playes do it.

none, the coach will send an assistant to the scores table to correct the problem.....

However many "and one".

:D

Nice!

One...although he breaks the bulb since he insists that the right way to put it in is round end first (all the while screaming "Waddya mean use the other end!? You can't be serious!!!")

Yup, that's my winner so far!

Sorry, this is John McEnroe's method of screwing in a light bulb.

I am serious. And don't call me 'Shirley'!

Here's mine.....
 

.....and, of course, I am not in the contest.

It takes two. One to screw it in, and the other to yell "Screw it both ways".

Mark -- As of Tuesday evening, I'm with mick, this gets my vote. But I'll check in again tomorrow!

It's official.....
 

OK - NCAAREF is the winner with "However many - and one". As I said, if there was a prize, it would be a Bobby Knight pinata.

Honorable mention to just another ref for his Bill Walton line and to som44 for his "over the back" reference.

Thanks to everyone for some good lines. Let's have another contest. Any ideas?