Best one-liners from fans or coaches?
 

Need to hear some of the best lines you've heard during games....giving a speech in a few weeks, and need some good ones.

After I called a player (that is going D1 next year) for traveling when his feet got tangled up with the defenders, their coach told me "D1 players just don't fall down you know"

If you included comments from officials, I'd probably use up all the space on this server.

I can't think of any good lines from coaches or spectators. :p

OK - here's one, but there's a caveat. The spectator was actually another official. It was the Immortal Dave. I was working a game and he showed up near the end because he was scheduled to work the following game. During a timeout, he was in the bleachers and he yelled at me, "Hey Padgett - are you pregnant?" I ignored him. He yelled it again. I said, "OK, Dave. I'll bite. No, I'm not pregnant. Why do you ask?" He yelled back, "Because you missed three periods."

Yabut Mark, you really only work the 4th so that the game doesn't go to OT. :p

Worth Repeating ...
 

Comment from a good natured fan (I taught his daughters when they were in middle school): "Hey Bill, do you want me to give the dog in your car some water?"
BillyMac: "What?"
Fan: "You know, your seeing eye dog."

Excuse Me?
 

Halftime, B12 Rec League Game.

A Coach comes up and says, "Ref, you gotta watch B5. When he sets his screens, he jumps into the player and hooks his arm and has a tendency to hold."

I said, "I haven't noticed it, but I'll keep an eye out."

He says, "Seriously, he does it all the time. I know, I taught him last year when he played for me..... He's crafty about it too."

On the way out after a game, a fan holds out a cell phone.

Fan: is this your phone?
Ref: No, Why?
Fan: It says "ten missed calls" on it.

Out of nowhere. I like it.

Is there enough space on the server?
 

- I called a foul. Whaddaya want me to do? Have the kid arrested?

- All of the good officials are working the good games.

- You're right. I am not that good. If I were, I'd be on TV today.

- (To a D I pitcher who 'had' to throw the baseball with his conference logo on it, as opposed to one from the other team -- both Wilson A1001): Throw this one. You're not good enough to know the difference.

- You coach (or play). I'll referee. When I need you're help, I'll let you know.

- (After balking a D I lefty in a 10-1 game in the 7th inning on a 45 degree day). What did he do to balk? He threw to first base one too many times.

- My pitcher's not very good today -- in fact, he'd have to improve just to suck.

Actual exchange from my first year......Jr. high girls.....a woman came to me after the game to apologize.

Her: "I'm sorry I yelled at y'all so much, but that's my baby out there, and I get a little upset sometimes."

Me: "Yeah, well you know, you have a lot better view from the stands than we have out on the court."

Her: (serious tone) "Oh, yeah."

yep
 

I agree. They've been playing the game for however long, and they still put the officials on the court. But I thought the best place to watch was from the coach's seat.

I like it when someone says, "Hey - I've been playing the game my whole life." I usually reply, "Really? Even when you were a baby? I bet you were a good dribbler."

"If you had one more eye you'd be a Cyclops!"

This isn't from a fan but is from my uncle who reffed high school games in Iowa in the 50's. Some fan was on him so he finally blew his whistle and had had enough. He walked up into the stands and sat down beside the guy. He looked around and said, "Hey, you really can see better from up here." He told me that it got a laugh and calmed everybody down.

My uncle was also famous in his parts for the night he was working a game between two catholic schools. He kicked both coaches that night. They were both priests. I said famous because some 40 years or so after it happened my dad (his brother was the ref) was in a restaurant in that area of the state and an old friend walked up to him and then proceeded to tell my Dad that that is the one thing he always remembered about my uncle was the night he kicked the two priests out of the same game. I've always thought they were good stories anyways.

A bank of lights went out during a game & the V team was getting trounced. They took awhile to get to full light & I explained the delay to the coach. He said they might shoot better in the dark.

Is your uncle's name "Mark" by any chance?

It was Richard. Did something similar happen?

I believe grunewar is attempting to compare your uncle to one of our "esteemed" (read: old) members here on the forum.

For example: This or this

Before the game I noticed that a V player was wearing a shooting sleeve on his arm, I asked the Coach: "He's wearing that for medical reasons, right Coach?" HIs reply: "Yes, I just wish he had one he could wear on his head".

I had one where a coach requested a timeout, I granted it, and after I reported it to the table a fan yelled out, well you got that one right.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

Stick around sj - you'll see what I mean! Your uncle ain't got nuttin on our Mark!

Hey - I resemble that remark.

From a partner...

Local in-house boys game, a truly clueless coach asked why it seemed every held ball resulted in red getting possession. Partner replies, "Isn't it obvious? Red is my favorite color."

Better than blaming the table for not switching the arrow.

Flagrant foul ?
 

I did a charity Games at a Baptists Church. The first game was Girls varsity vs the teachers there. The women's coach ran on to the court, spaying air freshener, screaming that was a flagrant foul !!!

Are you sure it wasn't a fragrant foul? http://www.runemasterstudios.com/gra...ges/faint2.gif

Couldn't have been fragrant, as the scent was neuter.

I thought you just spayed cats.:confused:

Did she blow it?

After a good block gets called a foul:

"You better let the ball shoot the free throws, cause that's the only thing that got fouled!"

A few times after a clean block when a coach is screaming for a foul, if the ball was blocked OOB so the clock is stopped, I've taken the ball and put in on the FT line and yelled at it to shoot itself. It's even funnier if you start a 10 second count.

Here's two for ya.

Why shouldn't a referee take Viagra before a game?
Because then he looks like he's always calling an offensive foul.

And....don't forget the first rule of officiating - tuck your whistle in your shirt before you take a leak.

When I played...our player went out for a break away lay-up, he got hit hard, it was on the line of being an intentional but was not called one, our coach yelled to the ref:

Coach: "The wrestling coach wants two points"

Then a fan of the opposite team yells down at him:

Fan: "Get a life coach"

To witch he turns around to the fan and he replied:

Coach: "I got one thank you"

It was hilarious, probably better if you knew the coach and situation.

Its hard to blow the whistle when you suck.

I had a fan yell out to a partner of mine... "Does your wife know you are out here screwing us tonight????" All I could do was laugh.

"No - but your wife does. She's out in my van."

That depends on what the meaning of "it" is.