No Good Deed Goes Unpunnished!
 

I had Saturday night off I thought at least until 4:00 PM
I get a great game - two top ten teams from different states Girls Varsity
Out about 90 minute drive beyond the country.

7:00 start time I feel a little rushed but arrive in plenty of time. We pre-game well
Take the floor and I swear the Team A coach doesn’t quit screaming at his players the entire time we are on the floor, you can hear this guy above both bands cheer leaders and the music they are blasting from the speaker system.

He is quiet during introductions and the anthem
I am at mid court awaiting the toss I can hear what he says in the huddle.
The toss goes up
Team A controls and A1 drives through two stationary defenders and
Coach from Team A screams “THAT’S A REACH”
He continually screams instructions to his girls
A1 passes to a wide open A2 who trips over the ball thrown at her feet
Coach from Team A screams “THAT’S A PUSH”
Team B recovers loose ball and moves up court,
B2 stands top of the 3-point line dribbling from right to left hand
Coach from Team A screams “THAT’S A CARRY”
B2 blows by A2, is picked up by A1 who is brushed off on a perfect screen by B4
Coach from Team A screams “MOVING SCREEN”
B2 misses a Jump shot, A5 rebounds
Coach from Team A screams “THAT’S OVER THE BACK”
He continually screams instructions to his girls
A3 brings the ball up the floor
Team B is in a tight 2 - 3 zone, A3 trys to penetrate but stops short of the 3 point line
Coach from Team A screams “GET HER HANDS OFF HER”
He continually screams instructions to his girls
A3 kicks a pass to A2 who takes a wide open 3 misses as a defender runs by her and off for the fast break
Coach from Team A screams “THERES A FOUL”
B5 Gets the rebound and kicks out to B3 the ball hits her in the shoulder then hits the floor, she grabs it then dribbles
Coach from Team A screams “DOUBLE DRIBBLE”
B3 gets the ball to mid court passes to B4 upper lane, who leaves the floor under pressure and passes to B1 in the corner.
Coach from Team A screams “THAT’S A TRAVEL”
B1 Launches a shot that hits the rim bounces up and over to the opposite side, I swear A 5 is the only one on that side of the basket and she rebounds
Coach from Team A screams “THAT’S OVER THE BACK”
A5 turns to let the out let pass go and throws it over the head of A2 in to team A’s bench
Coach from Team A screams “SHE GOT HACKED”
Team B is inbounding just below 28 ft line in front of team A bench U1 counts 1, 2
Coach from Team A screams “FIVE – FIVE SECONDS”
B3 requests time out granted.
Coach from Team A screams “THAT’S FIVE SECONDS, YOU HAVE TO MAKE THAT CALL”
At this point U1 goes to the coach and says calmly –
“Coach that’s it you’re a done officiating tonight, …”
Coach from Team A screams “OH I’M DONE AM I WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT! WHAT ARE … ”
TWEET - WHACK
“… you going to do about it”
He actually behaved fairly well the remaining 23:23 of the game.

Nice start to the game...and I have to say you have way more patience than I. If it's as I imagine it, coach would have earned that T several trips earlier...

That is truly beautiful. :)

THAT'S your warning coach!

Partner let him know "THAT'S a T"!

Can't stand chirpers, be a man/woman about it.

My thoughts exactly. What took you so long to deal with the coach? After the 1st time the coach yells, it will be addressed and the coach will be given a chance to stop...if not, I will whack the coach.

37 seconds.

These types of coaches happen every few years, I find. And it's often hard to determine if he's ever gunna stop in that time. 37 seconds is no problem to me: just try to do it when they have possession. ;)

You know that's 8 minutes & 37 seconds right? Judging from the knowledgeable posts you contribute to the forum, I'm thinking you aren't putting up with this for a quarter & some change. But correct me if I'm wrong :D

Actually my time is off - JR has it right it was 37 seconds into the game that he got tapped. Where you in the stands?

I agree, but the OP may have mistakenly put 23:23 rather than 31:23.

That's a long 37 seconds, but to answer your question "no" I find it tough to sit in the stands & listen to those ridiculous comments made by fanatics.

Boy, how about a quick conversation about a minute in. "Coach, I know you are excited, but we cannot have you yelling about calls this often. I don't wanna give you a T. We're working hard. Let us work."

The U1 comment would make this coach ultra defensive and lead him right to the T.

It's not that difficult.

Read the OP and the rest of the thread, this whole thing took 37 seconds. Unless you'd have let it go on longer for the sake of game management. This coach was begging for a T; the sooner he got it the better it was going to be.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up ...
 

I called a five second closely guarded dribbling violation tonight. I ended up standing in front of the offended coach. He said to me, and I swear this is true, "How can you call that, the defender was at least five feet away".

*facepalm*

"Yep coach, he sure was." Then enjoy the look on the coach's now more baffled face.

That's even funnier. To remember all of that in such great detail the first 37 seconds of a game is something I cannot even fathom happening, let alone transcribing it later. Wow. Just, "Wow."