Recently, the television show "First Monday" depicted a basketball game (and I use the term loosely). On this board, we commented and lamented on the ridiculous way officials were portrayed.

Now, I read in my morning fishwrap (The Oregonian, for all you non-Pacific Northwesterners) that on Wednesday, May 1, there will be another television "game". This time, it will be on the NBC show "Ed" with - get this - Paul Shaffer as the ref!

Talk about not looking like an athlete!

According to the story line, Ed was involved in a "controversial" game years ago, and Paul was the official. He comes back to town and is asked to officiate a "re-do" of that game (only on television could this happen).

Here are my predictions:

1) Paul will wear a long-sleeved shirt with a collar and breast pocket
2) Paul will wear light colored slacks and white shoes
3) Paul will have a full lanyard with a chrome whistle
4) There will be at least one "over the back" and at least one "reaching" foul called
5) Paul's mechanics will be atrocious
6) The game will end in a last second shot that will be shown in slow-motion (aren't they always like this) and the shot will miss and Ed will lose again

Let's see how many I get right. If you have any predictions of your own, list them. Remember, the more it seems like a cliche, the more likely it will be on the show.

My best prediction is that there is no way that I will be watching the show that night!! :D

Three more:
1)Paul will wear white socks

2)At some point - possibly the last slow-mo shot, Paul will jump up and down waving his arms (over his head) to show that the shot does not count - even though it missed...

3)After the game ends, Paul will stand around laughing and joking with all the players...

Paul Shaffer??? That's as bad as Billy Crystal being a ref in that movie a few years back...

1)The game clock be an non-digital clock with a minute and second hand

2) There will be someone from the AV club on either side manully putting points on the board

3) They will jump after every bucket, errr, every held ball

4) No three point line

5) Trapezoidal (sp) lane

I forgot one. The cheerleaders will be chanting, "Push 'em back, push 'em back, waaaaaaay back." :p

Is that what they say when you get too close to them on the baseline? :D

No - usually they say, "If I was only 40 years older....."

Actually, when I was in high school, (with Dr. Naismith) whenever the other team was going to shoot a free throw, we would chant, "See that basket, see that ball, come on stupid, hit the wall."

Hey - it was funny in the 60s.

when will this "game" be on?

You had walls?!?!?! :D

Jr high we had our games outdoors. Sr. High we did have a gym but not all of the schools did.

Sounds like you guys are describing basketball, Northern Louisiana style!

Ceiling braces on the OOB line?
Goal guide wires to the floor?
Volley ball post holes with no covers?
No AC (and questionable heat)
Poor lighting?

What happened to Ed's bowling alley?

See the first post in this thread for details.

Some time back I was listening to some old-timers (70+) talk about some of the gyms they used to play in. I'm sure the stories have gotten better over the years, but the three I recall, in the order in which I enjoyed them:

<b>#3</b> "The locker room was 1/4 mile away from the gym in a separate building, and we had to run through the snow in our shorts to get to the gym."

<b>#2</b> "The ceiling was only about 10 feet high, so you couldn't shoot from beyond the free throw line without hitting the ceiling!"

<b>#1 (My favorite)</b>"The heat in the gym was a wood stove located right in the middle of the floor. It set one helluva pick!"

Two guys reported having played in the gym with the wood stove, so I think it was legitimate!

Close, N'Awlins in my case. (New Orleans to the rest of the world)

Are you kidding? I went to HS in the south Chicago suburbs. The school district cared a million times more about athletics than academics.

My HS had a huge gym that would seat almost 3000 and could be divided up into three full size courts. At basketball games, the visitors would be warming up with our team still in the locker room. All of a sudden, the lights would dim, the band would start playing the school fight song, the cheerleaders would get a huge paper hoop with an outline of the state of Illinois on it with a big star where our city was located and hold it in front of the locker room door. The door would open and the first player crashed through the paper hoop, led the team down the court for layups, but the first 3 guys always dunked the ball (it was legal then). The packed-in crowd went nuckin' futz and the visitors were beat before the game even started. It was way cool.

We also had two separate older full size gyms, both with bleachers. We had a cinder track around our football field, which sat over 4000. We had a gymnastics room, wrestling room and olympic sized indoor pool, all with bleachers. Two block away was the baseball stadium, with real dugouts, locker rooms and an electronic scoreboard (remember, this was the 60s). We had lighted tennis courts and a huge practice field for PE classes, plus classrooms in the athletic wing used only for training. Oh yeah, there was a weight room, too.

And, to top it off, we had an fieldhouse with a clay floor for indoor track. We used it for PE volleyball and trampolines.

Occasionally, we went to class. ;)

[Edited by Mark Padgett on Apr 12th, 2002 at 04:53 PM]

Wow! They had electricity back then? :D

Yeah, but we had to keep replacing the hamsters on the treadmills. Good thing PETA wasn't around then. :D

BTW - PETA really stands for "People Eating Tasty Animals".

Okay, I know this is a very dumb question, but who is Paul Shaffer? I'm not very culturally literate, I guess.

I liked Ed last season, but I"m sort of done with it. Carol is really too repulsive. Predictions:

(A)Paul Shaffer (whoever he is) will appear to develop a crush on Molly, but will turn out to be either (a) gay, or (b)an NBA ref whose life is too crazy for her.

(B) Mike (the doctor) will dare Ed to try some kind of stupid Game-of-Horse type move that includes pulling his shorts up under his armpits.

(C) Shirley will be a cheerleader.

(D) Phil will return and be the announcer for the game!

Anyone giving donuts for this?!?

Rainmaker,

Paul Shaffer is the bandleader on Late Night with David Letterman.
He's also a Canadian (like me).
A very good musician. Probably a very poor ref.

Juulie - how can you say an absolute babe like Carol is too repulsive? Oh wait, you're a female.

Other than that - I love your predictions and you may be correct on all four of them. BTW - Phil returned last episode, in case you missed it. But - what about Kenny? No - not the one that gets killed each week on South Park, but the guy on Ed.

Also BTW - I start spring league at The Hoop in Beaverton tomorrow. I think it's HS boys only. I spoke with Josh tonight and he said he is doing a tournament at the University of Portland in June for some PBOA guys. I did it last year and it's a very high grade of HS girls, with most of them already committed to various colleges, almost all on scholarships. There are some boys games too, but not at quite that high a level. If you're interested, I can have Josh email you with the details and you can take it from there.

Oh, she's cute, alright, but way too immature. Her thing with the principal was so unprincipled. (Ack!! talking to you has really lowered my standards!)

I did miss it. Forgot to push the record button on the way out of the house to church. I can't figure Kenny. What would you do with him if you were writing the script?

I got called aobut the U of P tournament. It sounds great!

Since he is so massive, I would have him set picks.

Which leads to my prediction that there will be at least one "Illegal/moving screen" call - probably on a play with no contact whatsoever.

I got a call from a reporter at the local NBC affiliate here in Portland. She is doing a story on fan and coach violence in youth sports and contacted NASO who referred her to me as a local contact. Among other things, I told her how we were predicting the stupidity on the upcoming Ed episode (which will air on her station) and invited her to write down our list and match it against the show.

She laughed and said she would do that, although it won't be part of her story. She also read a wire service story to me about some Little League dad who had a baseball bat fight with a coach over something as unimportant as the selection of teams, or something like that. Incredible, but not surprising.

BTW - her story is supposed to be on the local news on May 8.

I think the public would be better served by a story on the all the parents and coaches who yell and scream at the refs, but don't actually get to violence. They are doing almost as much damage to their children and the sport in general, as the ones who actually throw punches, or swing that bat. It's the ill-informed and un-objective fans that make sports miserable these days. The ones who don't get physically violent think that none of the fault lies with them. But their idiotic carryings-on are hurting their own children, their own teams and probably, their own health. Maybe that's too painful for NBC to broadcast.