Game I worked last night:

Player comes through lane uncontrolled in an attempt at a layup. Player makes slightly to no contact and crashes to the floor. His teammates complain to me about a foul and I tell them "there was no foul", then they ask, "how did he fall to the floor?" and I reply, "He didn't land on his feet!" I thought it was pretty funny after I thought about it, was being serious when I first said it.

Same game, coach complains about 3 second violations and complains that I need to watch the paint. I glance at the paint and the coach starts complaining about a "supposed" double dribble and asks me if I saw it. I reply, "No, I was watching the paint."

Beautiful! (I'm assuming there was no double dribble.)

I had several kids this weekend in a rec league try to convince me that they could come into the lane on release. I told them (12 under league) that they could come in on release as soon as they could show me a high school diploma.

I usually respond to this nonsense with my own question. "Did you hear a whistle?"