GV game last week, 3-man crew. Visiting team is #1 in the conference, home team pretty much no hope for playoffs. Home coach is on me from the tip; I stop sign him 4 minutes into the game. He calms down after the stop sign, but in the 2nd quarter I hear him start about me to my partner. During that quarter, I'm lead administering a free-throw, my one partner (U2 for the game, I'm U1) is trail next to home coach. I overhear home coach say "what does this kid think he's doing, reffing on ESPN?" Next trip down the floor, same set-up on another free-throw. Home coach now says to my partner "I didn't know they let 12 year olds referee in this league." I'm 21 by the way. Nothing from my partner except for a chuckle, and I do nothing because although I heard what he said, he's not talking to me. At halftime in the locker room, I played it off like the coach said it to me, and not that I heard the coach say it to my partner; my partner thinks it's hilarious, meanwhile my R is P-Oed that I didn't whack him. As we're walking out of the locker room, I tell the R what really happened, and now he's P-Oed at the other official for not protecting me. 3rd quarter I call a foul and go table-side, home coach starts on me again; as I go past his bench on the change in possession, he stares me down, shakes his head, and flips his hands at me...WHACK. Coach goes crazy, saying that he didn't say anything, yada yada yada. I told him that I had warned him earlier, and he didn't stop, so I pinned him, and walked away. Now he starts on my R that I have "no guts" for calling a T like that. After the Ts are shot and visiting team gets the ball inbounded ( I went opposite table and administered the throw in), home coach is still standing. Although I probably should have, I don't come across the floor and throw him. Instead, on a dead ball that happened really fast, the U2 who didn't do anything about the comments in the first place looks at me and tells me he'll take care of it. He forces a rotation so he can get table side, and as we transition down, instead of either granting the home team a time out or whacking the coach again, just calmly tells him to sit down. Now I look like an even bigger sissy for not coming across and whacking him. A few officials think I should report this to our comissioner. Thoughts?

P.S. Sorry this is so long everyone.

Sounds like that partner is an idiot.

The R is the one that should be sending a report on your behalf.

At your age you will find a few coaches and officials that won't take you seriously, so all you can do is do the job and be professional, and a GOOD partner will have your back.

Yeah, unfortunately, a better partner would be helpful.... I think you did the right thing by not being too eager to go across the floor to run the coach (with a second T). We pre-game for things like this -- if there's a need to run the coach, it's better that two partners split up the duties (when possible). If you didn't get any help, that's on them, not you.

As blindzebra says, don't sweat the "youthful" comments. Just do your best. The coach may just be a jerk, but he also *may* have a point (*and* be a jerk at the same time!) about showmanship. Be open to the fact that if he thinks you are "showy" (the ESPN comment), others might, too. He might be wrong, of course, as he apparently is about many things. :-)

I'm surprised the R didn't take him at this point or do you think it was better you took him?

In our association we have a guy that handles Ethics. I have heard that some officials have called him with problems such as yours. I think that is a personal decision on your part. That partner did not back you up and probably has done it before to others. Take it from there!

That really sucks, I take care of my parnters, no coach is going to sit here and complain about my partners, he has more leeway complaining about my officiating then my partners. I would talk to my assignor about it, that is absolutely horrible.

Easy young one! Take a deep breath!

Yes, IMHO, I think BOTH your partners left you out to dry! At 21, you are going to run into that often. Get used to it...and don't let it bother you. I know that's easier said than done...but work hard at becoming better and you'll earn the respect you are seeking from veterans. If this stuff bothers you, maybe you're worried too much about what others think? Find guys to work with that DO like running with you...and WILL have your back...whatever their age. Not only should U2 have given the coach his first T, the R could have run him on his "No guts" comment.

If you're going to turn in every official who you think leaves you hanging out to dry, then consider your career over shortly. NO...it's not right...but learn to live with it and adjust and you'll be better off for it. Find those partners who will like you and have your back!

As I am 22 and it is my 2nd year calling varsity ball, I have run into similar problems with coaches many times, particularly since I cover a wide area and see new faces all the time. It's almost a given that the coach is gonna test me early on in the game, see if I'm intimidated by him, etc. Sure it gets very annoying getting it as often as I do only because of my age, but I think it is helping my development as an official. It also helps to have a great coordinator of officials who backs me up 100% and assigns me to games that test and improve me. As annoying as it is now, a couple years down the road I think it will benefit me tremendously to be 24 and have good working relationships with these coaches who helped "break me in."

Indy,

Thank you for the advise. I know that sometimes I can get a little hot too easily, and since I had never been in a sitch like this before and a lot of guys wanted to me to talk to our commish, I just wanted to see what other people thought since I am the newbie on the varsity level in my area. I completely agree with you that I don't want to alienate myself with my fellow officials, hence why a week later I haven't said anything to our commish and probably won't either. Needless to say, I'm still not very happy w/ the U2 from that night. In the same sense though, is there anyone who thinks that I shouldn't have pinned the coach when I did?

#1 - You should have confronted your partner in the locker room, not "pretended" that the comment was made to you.

#2, No, you should not have gone over and thrown the coach out when he didn't sit down. I know, you know and the coach knows that he has to sit. but many will wait until they are told to.

While I don't agree with the U2 chuckling at the coach's comment, I think he was correct in simply reminding the coach he had to sit. None of that had anthing to do with you, nor did it make you look like a sissy. Had you run across the floor and tossed him out, you would have fell into the trap that the coach had set for you. It was much better that you chose not to.

Let the R talk to the commish if he thinks he needs to.